Author: sascha

I haven’t forgotten about you all!

Happy Halloween 🎃

I love the tradition of carving pumpkins and the creative zone my son goes into. He takes carving pumpkins seriously. He plans out his designs long in advance. I am thankful we have a family friend who grows amazing pumpkins.

I love pumpkins but I do not love to be scared and I have only seen a couple scary movies. I prefer hugs and positivity over the feeling of being scared. Least favourite feeling.

I love any time I get to share with my boy and for all our traditions. Life has gotten busy lately. I made the decision to switch jobs to a have a more stable schedule, to always have my boy home with me. Everyday I look at this kid I can’t believe how blessed I am to be his mom. He’s growing up way to fast. Every minute I can enjoy trust me I do. I want him to have so many amazing moments to reflect back on. Making memories each and every day.

When I was a kid my parents always took me up and down our street trick or treating as grandparents my moms in charge of costume design and her grandkids keep her busy. My dad was always in charge to caddy cruise for pumpkins. This year has been different and leaves a bit of a hole in my heart. Everyone is aging too quickly. Time slow down!

Truth is I haven’t been writing because my dad has not been well and has been in hospital for many weeks. I started to notice many months ago his health was failing its been a challenging time. I am trying to support and make the right decisions but as an overthinker it has been weighing heavy on my heart. I have always had an interesting relationship with my dad and this situation causes me worry. I wake every night with panic. Am I doing the right thing? Who put me in charge? Being a POA is a wild responsiblity just throw on you without permission. I know my dad always trusted I would make the right decisions. A wise man told me to do my best and I strive for this everyday and if he doesn’t like it, fuck it!

Life doesn’t come with instructions and on my hardest days I wish I could call heaven. I was raised that family is important and I always step up when someone needs something. We have always stuck together through tick and thin and I will always support my people.

I am beyond thankful to everyone who has reached out and sent kind words, for all the hugs. I am thankful for family, friend and coworkers your kindness and love means the world to me.

Nothing fixes life problems like hundreds of mini chocolate bars. Cheers to charging the kiddos parent tax enjoy! I will do my best to retun to wrtiting I have missed it.

I hope to see all the costume posts they always bring a smile to my face. Thanks for being my community of lovely people!

 

This sweet smiley face is my favorite rescue story. Miss Kelso, you gave us the scare of a lifetime last week. I didn’t sleep for 72 hours and I prayed you would be okay. You kept handing me your right paw like Charlie did and I cried a lot of ugly big tears.

I am thankful that even though I woke Gran up she worried with me and did all the right things to save your life. If it wasn’t for Gran I am not sure you would be sitting with me as I write how grateful I am.

One split second can change your life. Every decision you make can change your life.

Lately, my life’s been a blur as I have been sick and multi-tasking far too many things. I feel like I have lost my mind and my family is sick of checking if I turned things off in my house. Lack of sleep I swear is melting my mind.

Last Tuesday I went to bed and I couldn’t sleep I was restless, overthinking, and having a bad feeling in my gut I just couldn’t put my finger on why I was feeling like this. I was up and down all night. When I finally got up and let you out for your morning pee is when I noticed the mess on the kitchen floor at first I laughed at it thinking will our kitten even not get in trouble? He earned the nickname bagel butts after eating 3 whole everything bagels off the counter and leaving his little human without his favorite breakfast food. He keeps us laughing and cleaning but it is all worth if for his sweet cuddles.

This morning as I started to clean up I quickly noticed in the dog bed was covered in a mess everything but the cob. I was starting to think I had lost my mind no way could this sweet corgi have eaten the whole thing. Could this be happening? I searched everywhere but no cob. Full panic mode! I was sick with worry but we got through it thank goodness.

Queen Kelso as your name tag reads, I can’t imagine life without you bossing us around. You have come to be very sweet and always snuggling me knowing I am not feeling my best. The last couple of years have been challening with people passing as my circle gets smaller I am thankful for those who are still with me. I am thankful for Gran answering my early morning calls filled with tears and for always knowing what to do!  I am thankful as I write this blog that I have a kitty smacking at my moving fingers on one side of me and sweet old corgi laying her hears beside me handing me her paw to hold. Charlie always gave me what I called the comfort paw. 

For those of you who don’t know Kelso’s rescue story Dan found her off a website called rescueme mere hours after Charlie had passed. When he was looking up facts about his friends dog. This site is mostly dogs in the USA but the only corgi in Canada was just over an hour away and looked very similar to Charlie. We came to find out they share the same birthday the same personality and must be related? Once we  met Kelso she picked us immediately and despite me saying I am never getting another dog she changed my view on the world once again and from behind her leash. I came to believe in miracles and she keeps me believing. Kelso the dog with 9 lives we have so many more adventures to take. Thank you for being our Queen!

 

I write Happy birthday and start to chuckle because our dog despises this saying and the song. It can’t be said, sung, or played on TV she comes out angry, filled with rage, and will bite. We would love to know the reason behind this quirk. Having a rescue dog is like solving a mystery.

Yesterday was my heavenly aunt’s birthday. I carry around the healing rock you gave Dan, and you are always in my thoughts. One of the coolest people I had the pleasure of not only knowing but calling my family. As a child and an adult, I have always looked up to you and wanted to be so much like you. Your ability to heal people was fascinating to me. I recently found a letter you wrote my mom when I was a child about fixing my head. Oh, how I could use your help now. Auntie, you had an amazing view from your house and you made the world’s best fruit leather. You filled my days with wonder and laughter. Thank you every year for allowing me to visit. Thank you for taking Dan in and having him believe in the power of a rock he still talks to you all the time. You were such a fun person with a huge personality. Everyone knew you and everyone had a funny story. I think of all the times we pranked my dad and the smiles that came across our faces. You are missed and loved by so many.

As a child visiting my Aunt and my Grandma Davis was always the highlight of my summers. I remember trying to describe to my Ontario friends and family what Lillooet British Columbia was like. Huge mountains and desert-like conditions are like nothing I could ever imagine being in this world. A small-town vibe with the raging Fraser River. I took my son Dan to experience the Awe I felt as a child. The old bridge that was finally redone that my dad always made me take a picture of and every year I felt as though I would fall through the bridge and be swallowed up by the river. The thoughts of being swept away in a river raging with Sturgeon fish no thank you I had a giant fear. The fear started with my Grandma Davis on her farm the river was right behind her and she always told us to be safe. My mom shared the river fear and did her best to keep us away. I love water but this is one you don’t mess with. My cousin however gave us a different view on the last trip she took up and down to save fish and we got a little ways into the river. I held my son so tight but the shores at some times of the year with the right company can be trusted.

My Grandma Davis was such a loving lady. I look forward to our visits.  I wished we lived closer it is hard for me to be away from family. We wrote letters all year long and I always had to have someone read them for me her cursive writing was not something I could read. I had an Oma here and a Grandma Davis in B.C. I am not sure why I didn’t just call her Grandma but it was always Grandma Davis it just stuck.

Auntie Clare’s birthday was the 7th of August and Grandma Davis’s was today August 8th. As a kid, I always mixed them up and never knew on which day we were celebrating all I knew is there would be family from all over tons of cousins to play with, and endless food and cake. I never knew how big my family was until we gathered for a party. I miss those days!

I still celebrate both of your birthdays even though you are no longer here with me. I know you keep close and keep my little family safe. Heaven has some of my favorite people. Thank you for all the years we spent together and all the memories we collected. I will forever enjoy cake on this day!

I found this picture of Grandma Davis last year while going through some of my dad’s photo albums and I think it just might be my favorite photo ever! We would always go to Vancouver Island and to a place called Coombs. A market with goats on the roof. I have always been obsessed with donkeys and when I saw this picture I had to add it to my collection. I miss you tons and I love you both lots. Until we meet again! Happy Birthday!!

 

Nothing warms my heart as kindness does. I started writing this blog before your funeral. I started this blog when someone was very kind to me it reminded me that the world needs more kindness. Kindness is one of my favourite topis to write about. I got side tracked and never posted the blog.  Attending your funeral made me aware to be more kind every day. Your passing came far too soon and happened unexpectedly fast. I know you are happily sitting, catching up on the years you missed with your dad, I will join you but hopefully not for a long time. Heaven has some of my favourite people.

Random acts of kindness were shown to me through a book I read many years ago by Michael J Chase now Michael Bodhil. His book was called “Am I being kind” This book changed my outlook on how I viewed the world. This book helped change my once very negative views. Michael opened a kindness centre and this was the first time I heard of doing random acts of kindness for others and this warmed my heart. He has shifted most of his work to a positive spin on mental health. His views and the way he lives life have helped me many times over and his books are some of my favourite reads. I read his books over and over and I still love every page. His website is:  https://www.michaelbodhi.com/ I highly suggest checking him out if you haven’t already.

In a world where you can choose to be kind why would you choose anything else? Once I started practising random acts of kindness I was drawn in by the smiles and conversations it creates. I love how one small thing can drastically change your day.  When someone is unkind or rude kill them with your kindness. I will say going back to my in-person job reminded me how much every day I can be kind. I still did kindness each day remotely but a shout-out online is a little less fun than in-person smiles. I am thankful that I am given time and the opportunity to be kind. Everywhere I go I enjoy starting a kind conversation, giving out a compliment or offer to give someone my spot to sit or take them where they need to go whatever the opportunity comes my way. I love to allow other drivers to go and anyone who knows me or has been my passenger will laugh because from my car I talk out loud and say” Go ahead” like they can hear me. I know they can’t but it’s the thought that counts.

I will admit I am still sometimes taken aback when someone performs random acts of kindness for me. I am all about saying thank you and taking the time to reach out and let them know how appreciative I am. I usually in return find someone kind to do to thank them. If it’s an employee I go private investigator deep and I will let your manager or whoever knows that you are an asset to the company. The world needs more kind employees.

Kindness speaks to me and I strive every day to be kind to at least one person and smile when someone is unkind. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. When someone is unkind it usually has nothing to do with you so remember smile and keep moving forward and never give up being kind.

I will now go forward in life with you Nancy in mind as I am being kind. I will forever treasure our hospital chats that’s when I started to see you for you woman you were. Your life ended far too soon. We were close in age and I promise when you look down with your dad and smile I am remembering you both in my everyday life. I brought your dad’s cop glasses to your funeral and I smiled thinking of you together again chatting away. Rest easy girl I will keep kindness and fast driving forever part of my life as I remember you both. Love, light and kindness.

The summer of memories has left sand between our toes and the biggest smiles on our faces. I vowed to make this the summer of memories after missing out on the last couple of summers not spending enough time in Canada.  We have a long list of memories to make. I love Canadian summers!

I think I have witnessed the cutest summer moment ever! My heart is so full and my face hurt from the smile watching you son.

Years ago I had the opportunity to attend an outdoor concert event. I went to see The Tragically Hip and at some point, during the festival,  a singer took the stage and his voice gave me goosebumps. His words made me want to sing along I had to learn all the songs. The Trews honestly blew me away and since that day they have made their way onto every playlist I have.

A few years ago my son finally started branching off of listening to only Stompin Tom music and started listening to some of my music. Like me The Trews lyrics spoke to him and he loved to learn the lyrics and sing along. Watching him sing in the car always warms my heart.

He found concert tickets to The Trews literally in our back yard. I had to buy him tickets as they printed off he was so excited. D made me take him early so he wouldn’t miss a moment. We shared dinner as a little picnic on the lawn. I bought him a Trews t-shirt and with the help of some nice people he was able to land a front row spot. He had the best view!

With his flamingo pink hair he was head banging along and singing as loud as he could. Multiple people said how adorable he was and that he was living his best little kid life. He waved at Colin the lead singer when he came out and after a couple songs he leaned down and gave him the guitar pick he was playing with. This act of kindness brought a permanent smile to my sons face. He had tears in his eyes and so did I as we thanked him so much. The rest of the show he held that pick so tight as everyone around him told him how lucky he was.

He held my phone flashlight up high above his head into the crowd,  waved it around,  and nailed every word to his favourite song Highways of Heros. Watching these moments I know I am so lucky to be his mom. The memories we have made together will carry me the rest of my life. I can’t wait for more adventures! Forever singing our hearts out as loud as we can, loosing our voices, and remembering how he picked you! This is a moment of kindness he will remember for the rest of his life.

As we left this concent dripping wet we forgot it was raining we were dancing, singing, and having to much fun. D wanted to call someone high on cloud nine he had to tell the pick story. I knew just the guy we could wake up and who would think it’s the coolest story. My dad a.k.a Papa answered all worried I legit yelled Dad this isn’t a 9-1-1 call D just has a cool story. My dad said he could hear the smile in his voice as he told him the cool pick story. Over the next few days he has told everyone he knows with such excitment how lucky he is.

He told me he is building  a little box to keep this pick safe in. I am only allowed to look at it I am not allowed to touch it. So far this day wins best day of his life!

Thank you for being so kind, for making my sons little kid dreams come true. Remember small acts of kindness can completely change someones life.

Rock on! We are forever Trews fans.

 

Make the best out of each day and out of each situation. On a day that could be stressful choose to be less stressed. I choose to make the best I can out of the day and be grateful.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling sick. I have been missing work and unable to do much. Thankful for my mom who has been keeping my kiddo entertained while I am recovering.

I love my car, but my tires have given me all kinds of problems since I have had this car. I am not blaming my car. I love my car. I drive a lot and so I am sure it’s just the price you pay for the miles and memories that tick by. I just got rid of my tires both summer and winter which had all been patched for a new set and low and behold I need a patch. Once again I have a flat tire leaking. How does this keep happening to me? Over the last 5 years, I have had multiple sets of tires, and the struggles are real. I thought I have a new set of new tires this spring which means a new start well I am only a couple of months in and I had to drag out the gauge and pump and get back to checking. Just when you think you are done it is always something. Keeps me on my toes and I usually learn something along the way. I had my son out helping me he loves this type of help. I am thankful we didn’t have a tire blowout. I have put a lot of miles on this low-looking tire. I am thankful for a low leak where I am able to drive to town to get it fixed. I am thankful to have CAA roadside assistance for anything that does go wrong. I have had to call them quite a few times over the years.

To be clear this is not a blog complaint. I am thankful for my dad who spent 30 years working for a tire company and his discount for tires cannot be touched. I am thankful each and every year to have access to affordable tires that keep me on the road and safe. I am thankful for my brother who came over with a tire pressure gauge when I couldn’t find mine. Thankful prime day discounts I will be buying new ones today. I am thankful for my mechanic who has helped me out of a lot of car troubles as long as I have been driving. If you need a mechanic in the local Kingston area I would give raving reviews to Greg at Johns auto.  I am thankful yet again Greg was able to help me same day. Get back up and on the road. I always appreciate your help! Thank you!!

I think it’s best to make each and every day the best I can. Wise words from a senior I know. Car troubles can always bring about stress but they shouldn’t. I know I am in good hands. I know that all problems have a solution and I am good at problem solving.

What to do once you drop your car off to the garage?

Call your best friend to pick you up for a lunch date. I might be down a tire but I am up a burrito. My stomach is full and my face hurts from smiling. We soaked up some sunshine and sat down by the lake taking in the beautiful sights. On a beautiful summer day im so thankful my best friend is kicking cancers ass and planning a once in a lifetime trip coming this fall.

On a day that could be stressful I choose to look at how lucky I am. I am surrounded by the best people who each and every day I am so thankful are apart of my life. I have the best support crew that I know always have my back. I spend a few minutes each and everyday reflecting on how grateful I am. I am surrounded by love.

 

Let the summertime fun begin. Schools are out for summer! Your huge smile on your face as you ran in the door on the last day of school holding the final report card. Every year the teachers’ comments about you sweet boy bring tears to my eyes. Each and every year you make me so proud. You do such a great job in school. I hope you never lose that wonder to learn. It’s time to start the summertime fun!

Each year at the end of school you pick something fun to do. These summertime trips have been some of my favourite memories. You are such a joy to travel with and you make anything you do fun.

This year you found a cat cafe in Port Hope. Even though you have a cat at home who is needy and will share hot chocolate and baked goodies with you this is what you wanted to do. I am a big believer in making these road trips just the two of us an all-day fun event and since this was already animal-themed I took to google searching all the things around.

I found this interesting place that makes huge sculptures out of recycled materials with lots of animals to be found. Primitive designs we got lost in how cool everything was and we now want a huge sculpture for our home! If you live in this area or want a cool road trip check this out. It was free entry you are encouraged to make a donation and take something home from the multifloor gift shop. It had a little of everthing. D picked out a hedgehog candle holder to add to our dinner table and remind us of this day. I have added a giant flamingo and palm tree to my want list.

We had lunch along the shores of lake Ontario. After lunch he took me on a wonderful walk about before heading to meet the cats.

Toe beans cat cafe was absolutely adorable. They had 37 cats up for adoption. I had a delightful chai latte and D enjoyed a cat butt cookie. I must say this place was spotless and the cats are so loved. Some people come often some people like D would stay forever and if he could he would have adopted all the cats. We booked time tickets I am not sure if they had a time limit because once they saw how amazing D was with cats they just let him have the time of his life. He had all the cats falling in love with him. I sat sipping my latte thinking I love his life. I hope he grows up and does something with animals. He really has a way with animals that is amazing to witness. We stayed at the cat cafe for a long while and even got pins to support the kitties. D wants to go back again if anyone wants to have coffee with cats he is ready to go!

The afternoon I decided to go to a mini goat farm. My mom has 2 goats that were supposed to be mini but turned into full sized goats with horns that hurt. I figured we might see some baby mini goats so off we went to Haute goat farm. D being the animals whisperer he is had all the animals falling in love with him. It might have been the grass he was feeding him or the conversations he always talks to the animals. This farm has Islandic horses who came running over to eat grass and get some pat pats. Gorgeous horses I wish I could have fit one in my car. The farm also had chickens, aplacas, goats and pigs. They also do some disc golf that looked super fun. They have speical events and delicious treats in the screaming goat cafe. D tried goats milk ice cream and gave it raving good reviews. If you want an animals themed day this day did not disappoint our pets might have been slightly mad when we got home and they smelled us but we had a day filled with laughter, fun and smiles.

No trip home is complete without a quick stop for cheesecake and pie and the famous big apple. My entire life my dad always stopped at this tourist destination and every year I looked forward to it. My Opa always stopped for pie too. It is a family tradition I am happy my son also looks forward too. With sugar highs and great first day of summer vacation I cannot wait to see all the things we pack into the best Canadian summer months. Stay tuned for more fun thought the eyes of a 10 year old. Soak up as much summer fun as you can!

I started to find myself losing faith that I was ever going to get this sign and then it literally hit me on the head. I got your message loud and clear thank you! You make me believe in the afterlife with a combination of tears and laughter. You make me less scared of death. You bring comfort to me when I need it most.

Back in February, I went to see a psychic medium in hopes of hearing a message from my Opa. Since you left my world has been far too quiet.  I was hoping that visiting a psychic medium would bring closure but I got so much more. The medium told me I would be seeing signs and to be open to receiving them. I have always been open and believe in signs. Some of my favourite people have passed and I see signs all the time that they are right here with me. I am surrounded by an amazing crew of angels.

I admit I was starting to lose faith as the months ticked by and I thought that my special message from Opa was never going to come. After chatting with a friend who also believes in signs she recommended I start talking out loud to you. I took that advice and I started talking to you out loud. I miss our conversations Opa. I wander around my house so thankful for the years we shared and try to update you about all the things happening. I know you are right here with me smiling. You had the most handsome smile!

I kept thinking finding two feathers stuck together is never going to happen. Never say never! Keep your positive thoughts in check. It can and will happen. In a world where everything is instant slow down and enjoy. Things happen at the right time and place. When you need them most.

I had yet to find even one single feather since you passed. I started thinking did she give me the right message from you? I refused to give up believing that you are right here with me. I am sure anyone who can see me wandering around my house talking thinks I am talking to myself and wouldn’t believe them if I said I was talking to you.

On a sunny afternoon in June, I went out to my yard to clean up the mess left behind from cutting down a tree. I was out there for a couple of hours working away and just as I was finishing up something hit me on the head. I was like what the heck was that? When I saw it I couldn’t speak I just erupted into tears. Two feathers stuck together in your colours brown and blue. I sat on my step pouring in tears thinking how hard the last year without you has been for me. I laugh thinking about you throwing those feathers at my head. You had probably sent me messages I missed. I got this message loud and clear. I eat my words of not believing this will happen.

Thank you! I needed that. I walked into the house and showed my son, who couldn’t believe it. He just hugged me and let me know how much I am loved. I am so lucky to be this boy’s mom and I am so thankful Opa got to experience a part of his life. I promise to keep talking and give you all the updates and you keep sending me signs. Keep watch over us and keep us safe.

These 2 feathers will forever be displayed on our shelf next to one of my favourte pictures of you and the caddy!

I miss you so much!

Just when you start to give up is when you eat your words. Keep working towards your goals, things will happen for you at the right place and time.

When I think of you I remember the days of road trips smoking cigarettes and singing songs at the top of our lungs. Your long blonde hair blowing in the wind. I always thought you were the most beautiful girl. We used to laugh and say you got it from your momma.

I have this long playlist and many of the songs are ones you added over the years but forever one song will remind me of you. The lyrics hit a bit harder now that you are gone. The Cranberries- Zombie. I always thought you could have recorded a cover. You had a beautiful singing voice. You used to light up when this song came on and you could listen to it over and over. This song will forever be dedicated to you and I will forever sing it at the top of my lungs hoping you can hear. I miss you.

I called you Texas from a funny story of drinking with a college friend who thought your name was Texas. From that moment it just stuck and I decided with a personality as big as yours that you would forever be Texas. You lit up any room you entered and people remembered you. You had a gift of gab I think that runs in the family.

I still have my Texas grafitti picture of you in Germany. We stuck together like glue on that trip and laughed so hard when in the middle of no where on a bus trip we saw that badly painted mural. How quickly I pushed you off that bus to take the perfect funny picture that over the years I had sent you so many time.

I wish I could have given you one more hug. I wish we could have spent more time together. I know you are sitting with Oma and Opa and are well taken care of. We all miss you here girl and you were loved more than you could ever know. Until we meet again Texas.

 

Last Tuesday when I should have been writting I was  at work. Last Tuesday got away from me and I didn’t complete my writing. Last Tuesday was a rough day I will admit that. On my drive to work I was rushing getting up at 5 am is a struggle for me. I didn’t know that we had forest fires actively burning around us. I am not one to watch much of the news I catch the highlights but the news is mostly a negative view of the world. I struggle with watching it daily. On my drive to work I thought something was wrong with my car, about half way throuth the drive it smelled like it was on fire. I thought that I was driving through fog as that is common off the lake and along my drive. I did not know that what I thought was fog was smoke.

I quickly came to realize that the air quality was extrememly bad and Ontario was on fire in multiple locations. Forest fires is something I am only used to hearing about from my family who lives in the west this is a first for me. I had only ever seen forest fires in British Columbia in the summer months visiting my grandma. In all my years Ontario has always been safe.

The building that I work in was smelling of smoke and even with a mask on the smell caused me to have a raging headache. I could tell this day was going to be a struggle as many little things just kept going wrong and if one more person was rude to me for something I didn’t do or something I can’t control goodness. Those days when little things just keep adding up. Those days when you call your best friend because she understands. These days make me more and more dream of working from home! Home where my dog is always kind to me.

On this Tuesday I needed to remember to slow down and choose to embrace all that did go right and be thankful for the smoke passing by and not staying. To know I am still safe where I am. My family, friends,  and my home are safe. I couldn’t imagine loosing my life to fire my heart goes out to those affected.

I  believe in signs and I think this was just the sign I needed from a family member who I haven’t heard from in a long while. A long lost cousin who thanks to social media has reconnected. Someone who I always admired and looked upto. He probably doesnt know how much I adored him and I wanted to be like him as a kid. I thought he was the coolest. He sent me a message on this Tuesday and it was everything I needed as a reminder that we have the ability to choose how our days go. I opened this message on a fly running down the stairs at quitting time and it stopped me dead in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me to slow down and make a choice.

The message simply said:

Today is Chooseday.

Choose to smile

Choose to be happy

Choose to love

I will forever be calling each and every day Chooseday. We all have the ability to make a choice how we live each day. Choose to see the good in each day. Embrace all the good things that happen. We all get caught up in the cycle of negativity and things that didn’t go right and it sets a tone for the day. Once I changed that tone my day suddenly took a turn for the better. Each and everyday I remind myself I cannot control everything that happens in my day but I can choose to smile, I can choose to be happy and I can choose love. Thank you Kelly for spreading positivity and reminding me of the choices we make. Love you cousin!

Today my best friend is choosing to kick cancer’s ass as she has her surgery. Smalls you are my rock, my best friend and I love you to the moon and back girl. Kick cancers ass Greece is calling us! One step closer to delicious foods with beautiful views.