Month: February 2020

Oh the good old hockey game….

I love traditions. I love being Canadian. I grew up watching hockey night in Canada with my dad. My dad is a die-hard Montreal Canadiens fan. I didn’t get a choice in life towards hockey I was doomed from day one. I always thought hockey was entertaining to watch and I love a good yell. I admit I didn’t know much about other hockey teams my dad just forced me to love Montreal. I guess there are worse off teams. ha

I loved to watch Saturday night hockey games on T.V. with my dad. I got to stay up late. We had a little tradition to order pizza and I would get to drink pop. I would yell and scream at the T.V. like the players could hear me and I was getting paid for my amazing advice. SKATE! SHOOT! HIT HIM! I watched the Stanley cup win in 1993 on the couch at my dad’s house yelling and screaming so hard I lost my voice and when the final goal went in I fell off the couch and cried. I always wondered what it would be like to be at game 7 of a winning Stanley cup game. If you have experienced this I want to know what it’s like!

My first real hockey event was going to the local sports arena and watching the junior ice hockey. I find that league of hockey more entertaining and usually has more fights. We got to boo at the bad calls, eat junk food and scratch lottery tickets. We always got tickets for the 50/50 draw and I always dreamed of a big win…still waiting. The energy at a hockey game is electric. Who doesn’t wanna stay up late as a kid, eating junk and yelling as loud as possible. To me that was the kid version of living a dream.

My first ever NHL game was in Montreal at the old forum. It was a show down between the Montreal Canadiens vs New Jersey Devils. My brother at the time was a Devils fan and I was so looking forward to watching his team lose. I thought for the first time in my life I could watch him cry. I think I took hockey a little bit too serious. Oh let me tell you it was the start of my many years of watching Montreal lose. The first loss crushed me. Patrick Roy was such an idol to me and to watch him lose crushed me. My brother being the older brother and that annoying guy he is kept bugging me and bugging me, poking at me and making fun of the loss. I lost my temper threw my gloves off and punched him. I think I got 5 minutes for rough housing but I know my dad was laughing deep down.

My brother was never a really big hockey fan and I think he went against Montreal just to bug dad. Even worse, my brother’s son is a Toronto Maple Leafs fan. His other Papa is a die-hard Toronto fan and the poor kid growing up was in a hockey debate with his Papas. I can’t believe my dad actually took his grandson to a Toronto game.

Over the years dad and I have made a tradition to catch a Montreal game. We still go to games every year and out of all the games I
have only seen 3 wins. Now I am no mathematician but even I know that’s not good odds. ha. I was beginning to think my dad was bad luck at the games. I went to a Montreal game with a friend and Montreal lost so then I started thinking maybe I was bad luck. After one of the losing games in Ottawa I threw my 21 McKay jersey on the ground and stomped it. I vowed my love for the Montreal Canadiens was over! If you’re trying to figure out who the heck 21 McKay is, don’t, it’s a vintage jersey. He was the player who had the number 21 when I turned 21. After stomping my jersey I decided it was time to switch teams. Yes you heard me I was now going to be a Vancouver Canucks fan. My love for B.C. and the goalie at the time drew me in. Dad sucked it up and bought me a Vancouver jersey and got tickets to a Montreal vs Vancouver game. I didn’t tell him at the time but I wore my Montreal Jersey under my Vancouver Jersey and I was going to leave finally wearing winning colours. I was going to celebrate a win either way with thousands of Montreal fans or 5 Vancouver fans. Anyone wanna guess how it turned out?? I hugged 5 Vancouver fans on the way out and slowly drove home for 3 plus hours telling my dad to hang up the Montreal jersey and join in on a win. It’s a high like no other.

FINALLY after 20 plus years of games I got to witness a Montreal win. The energy in Montreal after a win is unreal. I screamed until I had no voice. I am going strong with 3 wins in a lifetime now.

This year I took my son to a junior hockey game and he seemed to really enjoy it. It was awesome to be the parent enjoy hockey with my kid. Now I get the feeling my dad had sitting in the arena cheering the teams on with me. I was about to finish this blog but my dad bought tickets for my son to see Ottawa vs Montreal.

My son just went to his first Montreal game in Ottawa and guess what the score was? I wrote this line before going to the game and I was sure we would be coming home a loss and my son would wanna change teams. ha. If I wasn’t sitting right beside him I never would have believed it. My sons first ever NHL game and Montreal won 3-0. It was the best experience watching him yell, watching him jump out of his seat for all 3 goals, watching him cheer Montreal on and sing along to the song of sweet sweet victory. His first game was much better than mine. I think he might be a good luck charm. I have seen 4 wins now!! Four out of 20 plus games. Not great odds but maybe our luck is changing.

Thank you Kate, and Kate’s dad for the tickets to the Frontenacs game. Thank you to my dad for dragging me to many games over the years. Thank you to my son for memories made and many more memories in the making. Here’s too many more years cheering at the hockey games.

How did I get so lucky to be your mom….

I feel like I have won the lotto. Not the money lotto where I need to figure out how to spend 60 million dollars, trust me I could do that. Challenge accepted ha. I have always had a vision of striking it rich. I have always had a dream where I am yelling “I am rich”, but now that I think of it I don’t remember seeing any money. I guess my life is filled with love and amazingness and that is better than winning any lotto. My heart is full and our lives are happy.

Truth is I was scared to death to be a mom. I always just wanted and envisioned my life with pets. I made it to 30 and was kid free with the puppy of my dreams. You son were a game changer. I struggled before you were born because I knew I would be doing this alone. Accepting the role as mother then single mother was a role I wasn’t sure I could pull off. You only gave me a couple months to prepare for the role of a lifetime. I decided I had 2 options to give you up or get real. I was 30 going on 31 and I knew I had to adjust my crown say my acceptance speech and do this. Buckle up life was about to get very real.

Raising you has been my biggest accomplishment. It started off rough. I was told you were going to be special needs. My labour was difficult. My mind was going a million miles a minute. My life was not in a good place. I was terrified if I failed now I wasn’t only failing myself I was failing you. I was pretty sure Charles our dog was gonna be jealous he had been my baby for almost a year. A puppy and a baby what was I thinking?

I cried a lot of tears and laughed so much it hurt. Raising you has tested all my patience and opened my world up to so many new experiences. You were a baby who didn’t like to sleep and who threw up everything he ate. Oh the laundry I had to do. Every time you cried our dog Charleston howled, oh and we lived in an apartment so our neighbours loved us. Before you my days seemed to go on forever, so many hours to fill. After you came along the days flew by and I never felt like I got enough done.

When I look at you now I can’t believe you are 7 years old. How did you go from the tiny 5 pound baby wearing preemie clothes to this handsome young man in the first grade who’s reading, writing and is a mad building machine.

You have changed and grown so much over the years son and I couldn’t be prouder. You are a kind gentle soul. You are not afraid to talk to anyone. You are always striking up a conversation wherever we go. Just recently at Costco we sat down to eat and you picked a table and talked to the wonderful couple beside us for an hour. You got to know where they are from, about the kids, grand kids, pets, why they were out shopping, what they had for lunch, what they like to do. You make friends and touch people’s lives where ever we go.

Before you could talk you used to have epic melt downs where you slowly and carefully placed yourself on the ground and would loose it. It was hard to know what you wanted without words but thankfully you said your first word at 10 months and it was mom. I was so proud and instantly regretting teaching you mom because it’s all you said. Mom mom mom mom mom. Second word dog, oh watching you and Charleston grow up together was the sweetest. Third word, well they can’t be all good words. Oh goodness, I said I accepted the role as single mother not that I was getting an award for it.

Once you could talk you never quit. You talk allllll day every day all 365 days sometimes even in your sleep. I am still shocked when your teachers say you can be quiet in class. I knew you would fit right in at school and be a social butterfly in everyone’s conversations young and old.

You have had so many career dreams and life changing plans that you doodle up. I cannot wait to see where life takes you. You have the soul of a wise old man and I know whatever you decide to do you will be successful it in. You are a dreamer and a creator just like your Opa.

You have an amazing way with people but an even more amazing way with animals. You are a pet whisperer. You are not afraid of any animals. I took you to the zoo as a toddler and you walked right up the camels, bears, lions, tigers, and all the other big animals no fear. You had the polar bear waving to you.

When you go to Opa’s farm even as a toddler you always wanted to get right in with granny’s horses. You are always so patient and kind and keep talking to them. Even when I am a bit nervous they could push you over or step on you, you remind me that if you keep talking and move slowly horses won’t hurt you. Granny’s 3 horses still always play and try to take your hat and bite your coat and you just laugh and talk to them it’s adorable to watch.

You took in a rescue cat Noah. Oh Noah, the black cat that we were told wasn’t going to make it is living the posh life. The way you pet and talk to that cat melts my heart with cuteness. He is a lucky cat to have you as his owner. I want to come back as your spoiled pet in the next life; constant cuddles, treats and playing games.

You and the corgis, oh goodness so many pictures of you and Charleston, the double trouble crew. Now with all pink, glitter, crowns and gems, the way you care for and talk to Queen Kelsey. Oh stop it my heart can’t take anymore. To watch you at the corgi meet ups is too freaking adorable. Animals just love you.

I know sometimes without your biological dad in your life you feel like your world is small. This is one of the reasons why I took you on a tour of B.C., to meet so many more members of our family. Everyone who met you instantly loved you. Now when I was thinking of taking a trip without you no one wanted me to visit unless you were with me. You son you are unforgettably amazing. You make a lasting positive impression on everyone you meet. I know this will take you far in life. I promise to always be right here cheering you on! I am so proud to call you my son.

Thank you Daniel I love you to the moon and back.

I believe…

The month of January seemed so long. I was so excited for the year 2020. I dreamed of this year as a child. I remember using a calculator to figure out I would be 38 years old in the year 2020. I remember wondering if I would be alive. I used to think being 30 was so old and once you hit 30 your life was over. Little did I know my life just started to take off at 30.

In an earlier blog I mentioned my 30th birthday gift to myself was my dog Charleston, aka Charles, Charlie, Chuck, Pupparonies. He was the best dog I ever had and the only dog who ever understood me. He celebrated every day when I came through the door and I never knew how much I would truly miss this greeting. Charleston passed away in my arms on his 8th birthday in our house that he loved so very much. I know that if love could have saved Charleston, he would have lived forever.

I believe I did the best thing in ending your suffering. I believe you needed to pass in my arms as much as I needed it. I believe you ran so fast for that rainbow bridge. I believe that night when the most beautiful sunset came over your grave looking out on the lake, you made it. As I write about you weeks later I am still crying. When you were here you always licked my tears which make me laugh and cheer up. I miss your comfort. Our house seemed so quiet without you. Everywhere I looked I missed you. I made a cup of tea and realized it was in a corgi mug. Our whole house is covered in corgi decor. My car has corgi decor. I would have given anything to have you back.

I believe the day after you passed Sir Charleston your little human, my son Daniel found your sister online. In what can only be described as a wild mistake. Dan came home asking “how long do Pomeranians live for?” His friend at school said his dog is 100. Which made me cry some more, because I wish dogs could live to be 100. Dogs love us unconditionally like no other and leave us far too early. When we googled how long Pomeranians live Dan clicked the first link which was a dog rescue site in the USA. Dan looked at the corgis. I couldn’t my tears were so heavy. The last corgi on the site looked like your twin, Charles her name was Kelsey and she needed a permanent home. We both thought it was a picture of you on our deck. She was the only corgi in Canada who needed a home and was an hour from us. Dan immediately wanted me to e-mail, to call, to find out more. My broken heart I couldn’t. I spent days lying in bed with your blanket, the last dog toy you gave me, talking to your pictures and sitting at your grave. Loosing a dog who is your best friend, well there is no way to describe it, it just sucks. I swore the day you passed away Charles I would never have another dog because no matter the dog we got, it would never compare to the love you had. I swore I could never relive putting a dog down. I almost drown in my own tears. Sweet Charles you meant the world to me.

Kelsey, oh Queen Kelsey, I couldn’t get you off my mind. Dan bugged and bugged until I called. I immediately asked how old you were and the sweet lady who had you told me you just turned 8 and I knew we had to meet you. START THE CAR! We were on our way to meet you. I honestly didn’t think my heart could take this. Dan said he needed this to heal his broken heart. I had Charles before Dan so they grew up getting into trouble. Charles always watched over his little human. Charles was my shadow I never went anywhere without him attached to me. When I left the house he lay down at the door and waited. Kelsey immediately loved us but she stuck like glue to Dan. She looks identical to Charles and even has the white circle on the back of her neck. She is the smaller girl version of Charles. She has been home with us almost 2 weeks and she is Dan’s shadow. If he moves she’s right on him. If he’s not home, she’s the saddest dog in the world. Kelsey has all the same behavior problems. She wants no part of any other pets. She’s aggressive and a loud mouth. She freaks out when noise is too loud. Charles would howl when the noise got too loud. She runs around barking like a crazy dog. If I pretended to wrestle or grab Dan, Charles would bite me. Kelsey the exact same thing. You do not touch Dan.

As much as I swore I could never do this again. I am so in love with Queen Kelsey. Dan picked out her collar and it’s pink with glitter crowns and a glitter bow. He picked out her name tag and it has a crown and says the Queen. He engraved her tag Queen Kelsey. You walked into our home after your 8th birthday like you own it. You are exactly what we both needed to heal our broken hearts. We went from endless crying to constant laughter. We love you so very much because you remind us so very much of your brother.

Side note: I do not have Kelsey’s breeder’s record. I do not know where she came from. I know I drove almost 6 hours one way to this small town of Blyth Ontario in 2012 to purchase Charles. He was the last puppy in his litter and was not sold because of the size of his ears. I did not know of many breeders in 2012. Corgis have since blown up and are popular dogs. I get it they are amazing dogs.

I am so very blessed to have had the most amazing King and now the most amazing Queen. Welcome to your forever home girl. Thanks for being a part of our family! As I write this blog I am crying with all the memories and whirlwind of the last few weeks have brought me. I look down and there is Queen Kelsey right beside me only because Dan’s at his grandmas but it’s exactly where Charles used to lay when I did my writing. Oh my heart.

Thank you to my granny who stood with me as I had to put Charles down. I have never met anyone who understands animals like you. Thank you to Meredith who makes at home vet calls and was able to come on short notice. You were exactly what I needed to survive the day. Thank you Meredith for making a donation in Charleston’s honour. It means the world to me that you provide this service. I believe every pet should pass at home in our loving arms. Thank you to Dianne for allowing us to meet and adopt Kelsey’s. Thank you for allowing me to cry in your kitchen as I told you about Charles. Thank you for making a donation in Charles honour to the rescue where we found Kelsey. Thank you to Whoozagooddog Kingston and all the wonderful corgis and owners from the Kingston corgi group. The party you had in honour of Charles was beautiful and meant the world to us. Thank you Charleston Rupertly Corgshire, for being the best dog for 8 wonderful years. You will forever be our King. Thank you Queen Kelsey for coming into our lives. Here’s to living out your best years being spoiled as our Queen.

Change…

Change is all around us. Life is forever changing and testing us in every way possible. Sometimes we choose to make a change and sometimes without warning life hands us a change. Every change in life is an experience that can be taken in many different directions, depending on how you deal with the given change.
Sometimes change is the greatest gift. Sometimes change sends us off in a direction we never dreamed. Sometimes change leaves us in a puddle of tears. Sometime changes test us on our patience, strength or determination. Sometimes change leaves us smiling. Sometime change leaves us wondering why.

Change tests our reactions. I used to only know how to react quickly and negatively. I was the “yeller”, the fighter, the “always have to be right” kinda gal. Truth is when I was in my darkest state I used to become paralyzed with fear over even a slight change in my life. When something or someone changed, I thought I had to fight it. I became a dramatic mess because I couldn’t cope with change. I viewed changing as the scariest thing to happen in life. I lived in a tiny bubble of comfort and I never wanted to change. I liked to be the fighting victim in a sad story. A sad story I wrote. A sad story I didn’t know how to change into a positive one. I thought this is my story and this is it. But, it is never too late to change your story.

Sucked into negativity and hate I was honestly just terrified to change. I wasn’t able to view change in the amazing positive way I can now. I view change as a positive growth. My life is forever changing and I think at how grateful I am to have experience it all. I am grateful to have survived and to be enjoying every single day I am given. I now look forward to the changes coming in my life. I now feel that even the changes that aren’t going the way I planned are a great learning platform. Changes have taught me to slow down and think. Sometimes I have to think outside of the box and get creative. Sometimes I have to think outside my comfort zone for a way to make this change work. Change is now a great opportunity to network, to meet new people, to work together, to embrace and enjoy life. Change is always around us. Figure out the best way to tackle and make this change work.

My whole world suddenly changed when I almost died. I almost died at the hands of someone who promised to love me forever and left me for dead. I almost died at the hands of myself because I couldn’t cope with my repetitive negative thoughts. I almost died because I felt like no one would save me. I almost died before I realized the only person who could save me was me. I had to rise up. I had to get up. I had to show up. I had to fight for the change I wanted in my life. I had to believe in myself. I had to fight for myself. I had to make my life what I wanted. Would it have been easier to be the sad victim in my own story? Absolutely! Did I enjoy always being sad and missing out on life? I thought I did when I was in my darkest places I couldn’t imagine seeing my life any other way. The only thing I could see was death. Then it started with the “what ifs” creeping in and haunting me. I was ready to end this game of life.

You never know what life is going to hand you in the change department. Not every change can be a positive one. We must remember to deal with change slowly, make a plan and remind ourselves that we are doing our best. “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it”. Not everyone would agree with all the changes I have made. I embrace other people’s opinions, feedback and comments both positive and negative but at the end of the day it’s my life and I am going to live it my way.

I have hopes and dreams. I am thankful for each day given to me. I try to make a positive glimmer of hope in someone’s day every day. I try to live with kindness in mind. I do the best I can and I just enjoy each day. Remember you are never to (whatever you are thinking) old, broke, worthless, ugly to make a change. I wish I would have had a life coach to help me make my biggest changes. It was a much longer road to do it myself. It was not an easy journey. I think it would have been awesome to have someone cheering me on and keeping me accountable to my goals. I think my journey would have been a lot more fun. More tears of laughter than sorrow. I want to be that cheer leader for you if you are feeling stuck. I want to motivate, inspire and get you to kick ass in this life too.
From tasting death to changing into the amazing person I am. I am here to say you can too. I believe in you! I am cheering you on. You got this. If I did it you can to. I am always here via email, text and phone.

I always like to end my blogs by being thankful. I like to remind myself and everyone else that we have a lot to be thankful for. I am thankful to be alive. I am thankful that I kept fighting. I am thankful to experience each and every day with and open heart and a wise mind.