You betcha

You betcha is a saying I never heard until my teenage years. You betcha is something my brother Dan says constantly. It starts a sentance and it ends it too.  If anyone says you betcha I can immediately hear his voice and how he says it. The tone  and the way he says you betcha is forever burned into my memory.

When I was 17 years old my whole life was turned upside down but in the best way possible. I was 17 years old when I found out I had a brother from another mother. I named my only son after him because he was everything I needed to complete my life. I am so thankful that he wanted to meet me. I had no idea how much this meeting would forever change my life. He made me an Auntie many times over. My nephews and my niece complete my heart. I am so lucky!

Meeting my brother was one of the greatest moments that has ever happened in my life. We are so much alike. Being so alike and maintaining a relationship from a distance so many provinces between us I will admit it has been a struggle at times. Lately I keep hearing people say you betcha and I know it’s a sign I need to get my ass together and head to the  west, my heart longs to be lost in the mountains. As my family gets smaller and people leave my heart I want to keep those still here closer. Family means the world to me and I’m forever working to keep everyone close. I know as I sit in my sunny lake window writing this that I am where I need to be. I am blessed and I love my life.

Recently I sat in this same sunny window staring at message wondering what to do with it. I wonder would my brother say you betcha you did the right thing or tell me I am a dumbass. I did what I thought was the right thing. Life doesn’t come with instructions and lately I am winging it. I have always followed my heart. It hasn’t always lead me in the right direction I should probably follow my gut.

I changed my sons name and I built a foundation for our lives. I have lived my whole life to do everything for my boy. I know I haven’t always made the best decisions and I know I have broken your heart sweet boy. I am just trying to do what I feel is best for both of us. I sent a message that could completely change our lives or they could stay just how they are. I am not sure where this journey will take us but I hope it is for the best. I am going forward with an open mind and open heart ready for the next journey of life. I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough fuck it!





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