Eat your words

I started to find myself losing faith that I was ever going to get this sign and then it literally hit me on the head. I got your message loud and clear thank you! You make me believe in the afterlife with a combination of tears and laughter. You make me less scared of death. You bring comfort to me when I need it most.

Back in February, I went to see a psychic medium in hopes of hearing a message from my Opa. Since you left my world has been far too quiet.  I was hoping that visiting a psychic medium would bring closure but I got so much more. The medium told me I would be seeing signs and to be open to receiving them. I have always been open and believe in signs. Some of my favourite people have passed and I see signs all the time that they are right here with me. I am surrounded by an amazing crew of angels.

I admit I was starting to lose faith as the months ticked by and I thought that my special message from Opa was never going to come. After chatting with a friend who also believes in signs she recommended I start talking out loud to you. I took that advice and I started talking to you out loud. I miss our conversations Opa. I wander around my house so thankful for the years we shared and try to update you about all the things happening. I know you are right here with me smiling. You had the most handsome smile!

I kept thinking finding two feathers stuck together is never going to happen. Never say never! Keep your positive thoughts in check. It can and will happen. In a world where everything is instant slow down and enjoy. Things happen at the right time and place. When you need them most.

I had yet to find even one single feather since you passed. I started thinking did she give me the right message from you? I refused to give up believing that you are right here with me. I am sure anyone who can see me wandering around my house talking thinks I am talking to myself and wouldn’t believe them if I said I was talking to you.

On a sunny afternoon in June, I went out to my yard to clean up the mess left behind from cutting down a tree. I was out there for a couple of hours working away and just as I was finishing up something hit me on the head. I was like what the heck was that? When I saw it I couldn’t speak I just erupted into tears. Two feathers stuck together in your colours brown and blue. I sat on my step pouring in tears thinking how hard the last year without you has been for me. I laugh thinking about you throwing those feathers at my head. You had probably sent me messages I missed. I got this message loud and clear. I eat my words of not believing this will happen.

Thank you! I needed that. I walked into the house and showed my son, who couldn’t believe it. He just hugged me and let me know how much I am loved. I am so lucky to be this boy’s mom and I am so thankful Opa got to experience a part of his life. I promise to keep talking and give you all the updates and you keep sending me signs. Keep watch over us and keep us safe.

These 2 feathers will forever be displayed on our shelf next to one of my favourte pictures of you and the caddy!

I miss you so much!

Just when you start to give up is when you eat your words. Keep working towards your goals, things will happen for you at the right place and time.

Sing with me Texas

When I think of you I remember the days of road trips smoking cigarettes and singing songs at the top of our lungs. Your long blonde hair blowing in the wind. I always thought you were the most beautiful girl. We used to laugh and say you got it from your momma.

I have this long playlist and many of the songs are ones you added over the years but forever one song will remind me of you. The lyrics hit a bit harder now that you are gone. The Cranberries- Zombie. I always thought you could have recorded a cover. You had a beautiful singing voice. You used to light up when this song came on and you could listen to it over and over. This song will forever be dedicated to you and I will forever sing it at the top of my lungs hoping you can hear. I miss you.

I called you Texas from a funny story of drinking with a college friend who thought your name was Texas. From that moment it just stuck and I decided with a personality as big as yours that you would forever be Texas. You lit up any room you entered and people remembered you. You had a gift of gab I think that runs in the family.

I still have my Texas grafitti picture of you in Germany. We stuck together like glue on that trip and laughed so hard when in the middle of no where on a bus trip we saw that badly painted mural. How quickly I pushed you off that bus to take the perfect funny picture that over the years I had sent you so many time.

I wish I could have given you one more hug. I wish we could have spent more time together. I know you are sitting with Oma and Opa and are well taken care of. We all miss you here girl and you were loved more than you could ever know. Until we meet again Texas.



Last Tuesday when I should have been writting I was  at work. Last Tuesday got away from me and I didn’t complete my writing. Last Tuesday was a rough day I will admit that. On my drive to work I was rushing getting up at 5 am is a struggle for me. I didn’t know that we had forest fires actively burning around us. I am not one to watch much of the news I catch the highlights but the news is mostly a negative view of the world. I struggle with watching it daily. On my drive to work I thought something was wrong with my car, about half way throuth the drive it smelled like it was on fire. I thought that I was driving through fog as that is common off the lake and along my drive. I did not know that what I thought was fog was smoke.

I quickly came to realize that the air quality was extrememly bad and Ontario was on fire in multiple locations. Forest fires is something I am only used to hearing about from my family who lives in the west this is a first for me. I had only ever seen forest fires in British Columbia in the summer months visiting my grandma. In all my years Ontario has always been safe.

The building that I work in was smelling of smoke and even with a mask on the smell caused me to have a raging headache. I could tell this day was going to be a struggle as many little things just kept going wrong and if one more person was rude to me for something I didn’t do or something I can’t control goodness. Those days when little things just keep adding up. Those days when you call your best friend because she understands. These days make me more and more dream of working from home! Home where my dog is always kind to me.

On this Tuesday I needed to remember to slow down and choose to embrace all that did go right and be thankful for the smoke passing by and not staying. To know I am still safe where I am. My family, friends,  and my home are safe. I couldn’t imagine loosing my life to fire my heart goes out to those affected.

I  believe in signs and I think this was just the sign I needed from a family member who I haven’t heard from in a long while. A long lost cousin who thanks to social media has reconnected. Someone who I always admired and looked upto. He probably doesnt know how much I adored him and I wanted to be like him as a kid. I thought he was the coolest. He sent me a message on this Tuesday and it was everything I needed as a reminder that we have the ability to choose how our days go. I opened this message on a fly running down the stairs at quitting time and it stopped me dead in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me to slow down and make a choice.

The message simply said:

Today is Chooseday.

Choose to smile

Choose to be happy

Choose to love

I will forever be calling each and every day Chooseday. We all have the ability to make a choice how we live each day. Choose to see the good in each day. Embrace all the good things that happen. We all get caught up in the cycle of negativity and things that didn’t go right and it sets a tone for the day. Once I changed that tone my day suddenly took a turn for the better. Each and everyday I remind myself I cannot control everything that happens in my day but I can choose to smile, I can choose to be happy and I can choose love. Thank you Kelly for spreading positivity and reminding me of the choices we make. Love you cousin!

Today my best friend is choosing to kick cancer’s ass as she has her surgery. Smalls you are my rock, my best friend and I love you to the moon and back girl. Kick cancers ass Greece is calling us! One step closer to delicious foods with beautiful views.