Brick by brick I built tall walls

The biggest lesson I learned during my journey of self-discovery was that I built some tall walls around myself to protect my feelings. I was scared to show others how I felt. I have felt embarrassed about where my life has been. Clearly my life hasn’t gone as I had planned.

I only wanted people to see the good and successful parts of my life. The parts that looked like they were all rainbows and sunshine. The success and happiness. Only at the time, I didn’t have any of that. I didn’t want others to see the stormy parts. The failures that caused doom and gloom. Then I couldn’t see the good parts that failing brought me. Embrace failure. Failing has brought some of the greatest opportunities into my life. Failure isn’t the end it’s just the beginning of the journey. If you fail get back up and try it again, try it differently, or try something completely different.

Life is what you make it. You are always capable of change. You are never too old, too broke, or too damaged to make a change.  Just like adding a brick to the wall, you are also capable of removing a brick. I didn’t build tall walls in a day. Every failure I added on another brick. Every time someone was unkind to me I added on another brick. What I didn’t do was remove a brick every time I succeeded or every time someone was kind to me. In my darkness, I just kept piling bricks until my walls were taller than me. Those were some tall walls.  My walls were so tall my whole world became black. Walls so tall I could no longer see a way out. Walls so tall I could not allow anyone in. I stayed distant, alone, and stuck in my own darkness. Let me tell you the wall of darkness lead me to complete sadness mixed with depression.

When I could no longer cope with my tall walls I started to analyze how each brick came to be a part of my wall and my life? What did I have to do in order to remove the brick? I wanted to smash these bricks for good. I didn’t want to tear my walls down only to find myself putting each brick back up on the wall. That is an exhausting process.  As much as I would love to tell you I took a wrecking ball to my walls and smashed all my problems away. I didn’t. I think a lot of us want a quick fix but few of us are willing to put in the hard work. It has taken me years to remove my bricks and destroy my walls.

I spent years discovering my failures, looking over my wrongdoings, my unrealistic expectations of others. I had to accept that I am not in charge of the world. I had to learn how to stand up for myself. I had to review the people in my life and figure out if they had a positive or negative effect. Removing bricks and letting people know the real me feels amazing because I know I am being true to myself. I am sharing my story from darkness to light to inspire others to share in their struggles.  You are not alone. Everyone has walls. What’s holding your wall up? What thoughts and expectations do you need to destroy? I want to help you live a life free from feeling trapped inside tall walls. Let’s knock em down brick by brick you can do it!

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