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Songs that played throughout my life…..

Do you ever catch yourself listening to a song and it instantly takes you to a place you heard that song before or it reminds you of a certain time shared with someone? Just hearing that song can transport you back to a certain place or recapture a feeling? That feeling can be so real just from hearing a song? I often catch myself singing a song and remembering some place or someone. I love the power of music. I absolutely love to sing. When I say I love to sing, I mean to myself, in my car, like I am the lead singer of the band. No greater feeling than hearing a song you know every word too. Something about singing has just always had an instant way of cheering me up! I enjoy rocking out.

When I was in my teens and in my 20s I used to go to a lot of concerts. I have seen some of the most amazing bands live. I love the energy at a good concert! I love sharing my love for music with people who share the same love. My best friend during my teens and 20s times was a gal named Dahri and, we saw some of the greatest bands together rocking out. We did a lot of singing and shared a lot of laughs. Thanks for all those great times.

Growing up I always wanted to be a musician. The dream of being a rock star seemed so real. I took guitar in school. Wow, what an epic failure. I am pretty sure I am tone deaf. I tried to play the drums. Yep, you guessed it I was a hot mess. I have zero rhythm and coordination. I have an uncle who is good at everything music. He can play any instrument. He can listen to a song and play back on different instruments, it’s amazing to watch.

My love of music started as a child in my dad’s record collection. He has some pretty amazing records. Every now and again he will fire up the old record player. When I was a kid I remember it sounded so amazing. It was a certain art to get it to play the right song. I used to love to listen to Powder Blues Band-Thirsty Ears. Then when dad made the big upgrade to tapes, oh wow, did he ever have a lot of tapes. Since the Cadillac car only takes tapes we still have a few most importantly Steppenwolf so I can play magic carpet ride. Anytime dad was working in the garage he always had his boom box and tapes playing. I always think of the times in the garage when I hear Copperhead Road. Then there is Jimmy Buffet *insert eye roll here*, oh dad and his love of all things Jimmy Buffet. I don’t understand it but once it came in handy and I won some money in a bar because I could sadly name more than 5 other songs of Jimmy Buffet, other than Margaritaville. I am pretty sure my hearing is permanently damaged because of how loud Jimmy Buffet was played throughout my life.

My mom listened to more girly music. My love of Alanis Morissette started in my mom’s CD collection. I still enjoy cranking her songs and sing my heart out. I had the chance to see her in concert. It’s still one of my favourite concerts. She still introduces me to great music. You never know what mom will like next. My mom took me and my brother to our very first concert to see Barenaked Ladies. I still remember how everyone threw Kraft dinner on stage during the song if I had a million dollars. I loved the energy during that show and I was hooked on concerts. The last concert, well reading with music we saw together was Bif Naked. What an absolutely phenomenal woman. If you have not read her book, heard her songs or seen her live I absolutely recommend you do! I have seen both her rock show and her book reading. I would highly recommend both!

My brother growing up as a teen was into heavy metal music, he introduced me to NIN. When I saw NIN live the show blew me away. I think Trent Reznor has an amazing voice and he’s easy on the eyes. My brother still supplies me music for my car. He introduced me to so many amazing bands over the years and let me tag along to so many concerts as a teenager. Thanks for putting up with me brother and my brothers friends. I am sure I will forever be that annoying little sister! You’re welcome.

My step mom growing up was a huge Tragically Hip fan. I think New Orleans is sinking and I don’t wanna swim is permanently stuck in my head. It seemed anytime she had music on it was The Hip. I was recently in Bobcaygeon and I could remember the words to the song from all those years ago. They are a timeless band that forever will be remembered. I was also lucky enough to see the Hip with her, super cool experience.

Bryan Adams forever makes me think of my granny and her endless love for him. She saw him in concert 2001 and she is still in awe. She has her tickets framed and she will always tell you how great he is. I have never seen him in concert but if it’s even half as good as she describes it, I am interested.

Carousel music or German Oompah music always makes me think of Opa. Any time I hear Carousel music it makes me think of all the fun times we have shared at fairs and his unbelievable collection of Carousel horses that play the music too. German Oompah music always makes me think of Opa dancing around in a circle with his arms up. I don’t know if that’s actually how they dance, but he sure made me believe it was.

My Oma always listened to opera music and even took me to an opera. I can’t say as I understood it quite like she did. It was interesting to watch her sing along to her favourite opera songs. Since Oma knew so many languages she could sing opera in different languages it was truly magical to watch. She would explain to me what the opera was about with such passion almost like she was in the show.

I listen to a lot of different types of music. I think the only music I never really got into, understood or liked is country; of course my son now loves country and has me listening to it. Still not a fan but maybe it will get better? If you listen to country music shoot me a message and let me know songs to check out.

Thank you music for always having the song I needed to get me through my life. No matter the situation or feeling I am going through I always seem to find a song that fits and that I can rock out too. Thanks to all my friends and family who have been to concerts with me. Thanks for all the great songs shared over the years. Thanks to my uncle Ken for always being my rock and roll uncle, and for trying to teach me to play some music even though I failed LOL Maybe you will have better luck with my son? *fingers crossed* I think I would make a good rock and roll mom just saying!

Keep on rocking!

Beauty is everywhere, slow down and take the time to appreciate it…

The soft warm breeze on a sunny fall day is my absolute favourite day. Feeling the sun upon my face, the breeze flowing and leaves dancing about. That’s the perfect day. I love fall. I love watching the trees change colour and the leaves fall to the ground. I love driving around and seeing all the colours from near and far. Fall has the most beautiful, rich shades of green, yellow, orange and red.

I took a fall Caddy cruise through Algonquin Park this fall and it was breathtaking. My poor dad had to listen to me say “OoOo look at those colours or OoOo that red is so pretty” Every red tree is an “OoOo” moment. I love to see all the fall colours but something about the dark reds that just makes me happy. I can’t quite put my finger on why I love the red trees. I am not normally a fan of red. I don’t have any red decor in my house. I have never owned a red car. I don’t work red into my wardrobe. Something about seeing red trees in the fall makes me smile. I think all the colours are beautiful but red, wow, red.

I took Charles, my dog for a walk down to the park the other day and it was a windy day. The lake was wild and wavy. We got stuck in a windy spot leaves blowing all around us. Leaves were stuck in our fur and hair. As the wind slowed down I caught sight of the most beautiful bright red leaf ever so slowly circling around in the wind like it was dancing with no one watching. As I stood thinking how beautiful this is, it reminded me of the scene in the movie American beauty with the plastic bag dancing in the wind. I remember when I watched that movie I thought what a stupid thing to watch this bag dancing in the wind. I was sucked into a negative mind set and couldn’t see the beauty in anything let along simple life moments. I am going to have to re-watch that movie now.

I think it’s interesting that trees for the most part start off with branches filled with green leaves. That those leaves survive our hot summers and transform into the most beautiful colours in the fall. Then they fall from the trees on the ground only to come back better and more beautiful each year. I have a few trees in my yard. I have been in my house now for 3 years and I have watched the trees around me produce some amazing colours and it seems each year I have more and more leaves to rake. The tree off my deck is a beautiful orange and yellow colour which I was sure to point out to my dad on his last visit “OoOOoO” look how pretty this tree is dad. The view from my deck is beautiful you can see the lake and my pretty orange yellow tree.

I think it’s fascinating that every leaf is different and unique. Makes me think of us and how we are all different and unique. That we are forever changing. Sometimes falling down and coming back better than ever. Sometimes if you’re like me you fall down a lot. I fall not just because I am accident prone or tall or generally clumsy. I fall because my negativity and repeated thoughts took me down to the ground, to a place where I didn’t want to get back up. When you’re down it seems easier to just stay right there. Things seem to hurt less if you just stay exactly where you are. You can get sucked into a place where you feel life isn’t worth living. You can get stuck where you can’t see the beauty in every day simple pleasures like the leaves. I know I have been there. I laugh just thinking about negative me walking my dog on a windy day. I would not have payed attention to the colour of the leaves I would have just been mad that they got stuck to me or that my hair was in my face. I would have been cold and would have wanted to go home. Heck I probably wouldn’t even have been outside. I would have been wasting the day away letting thoughts haunt me or sleeping my two favourite past times. I think of how much time I wasted being mad and I refuse to live like that for even one more second.

Positive me wants to shout to you “get outside! Enjoy the beautiful sights”. Slow down and truly enjoy the sights. You will be amazed at what you can see when you slow down and enjoy. I know life can be busy as I write this blog I have so many things I should be doing! I am new to this blogging thing but I have to say I am enjoying it. Take a few minutes and do something you enjoy every day. Life is too short to spend being anything besides freaking awesome. I am thankful to have survived my negativity and grateful to spend each and every day doing something I love.

Thank you to the dancing red leaf for reminding me to slow down and enjoy the everyday beauty of the great outdoors. Thanks dad for always caddy cruising and listening to me “OoOo” over the beautiful fall colours. Thanks Charles for getting me outside to walk and enjoy the beauty of all the seasons. I love where I live!

For the love of all things Corgi….

Charleston Rupertly Corgshire is my Pembroke Welsh Corgi dog. He has a regal name for a dog I found on an online “exchange good” site. I found this little puppy available on my 30th birthday. When I was in my 20s I felt like I had failed life. I was excited to turn 30 and start a new chapter. Little did I known 30 would hit me like a Mack truck and be the hardest year yet.

I wasn’t thinking about getting a dog, but then, I met a crazy corgi lady named Kristen. She had a corgi. A what? Right at the time I had no idea what a corgi was. Once I met her corgi dog, Ronin, it was game over. I had to have a corgi. I soon realized this is the same breed of dog the queen has. Surely if this breed of dog is good enough for the queen, then it should be good enough for me?

I found this cute little corgi puppy available on my freaking 30th birthday. What are the odds? I drove for five hours one way to a place I had never heard of to find this puppy. He was so tiny he was wearing a cat collar. I was instantly in love. I stopped at the first park I could find to let him out to pee. I saw a bench to sit on and just stare in awe of my little puppy. Well this puppy let me tell you he stuck his head in the side of the bench through this little hole and I couldn’t get him out. Oh great had the puppy for ten minutes and already a problem. Well now it’s going on eight years and it hasn’t gotten much better. Charleston, also known as Charles, Charlie, Chuck, Charty, Lolly or puparonies, has sure given me a run for my money over the years. No, seriously, this dog has cost me a small fortune. I think he thinks he lives with the queen and money is no issue.

I have never felt the love of an animal like I have from this dog of mine. I am so lucky to call this dog mine. Charles has forever changed my life. I am blessed to experience the unconditional love of a dog. I have never had a dog stare at me and want to be with me every second of the day. He tilts his head as if he understands what I am saying. I know I sound like the crazy corgi lady. I am happy to announce to you I AM A CRAZY CORGI LADY. Yes I have my dog tattooed on my left arm wearing a crown hanging off one ear and looking like the royal mess he is. I have a corgi air fresher in my car. More corgi pictures, t-shirts, belts, water bottles, mugs, pins, magnets you name it I probably have it with a corgi on it.

What does it mean to have a dog that loves you? Charles saved my life. When I lay down in my bathtub ready to end my life, I wrote my goodbye letters and I had made amends with darkness. I said out loud darkness you win I can’t do this anymore. I had thought out every detail including how I thought there was less cleaning if you died in your tub. When you are in a dark place you cannot see the light. Nothing else mattered to me. I no longer wanted to be here. This corgi of mine crawled up on me and laid his head on my shoulder he looked at me with such love in his eyes. I spent forever crying in that tub holding my little corgi and I realized what I would be missing if I was no longer here. I wondered why I cared about so much about what everyone else thought of me. I almost let the thoughts other people created about me kill me.

Charles means so much to me. I had such a hard time when I became a single mom (more on that in a future blog) I looked into re homing Charles as I felt I wasn’t giving him enough attention and I thought maybe someone else could do a better job. Always the “what ifs” haunting me. To get sucked into the “what if” cycle will drive you mad! I actually found him a home and almost re homed him but that look oh goodness that look he gives me. I immediately cried until I almost drowned in my own tears and I couldn’t do it. Charles will forever be my dog until the day he’s no longer here I will give him the very best life I can.

I have met so many absolutely wonderful friends through a local corgi group. Let’s be serious I am talking about the corgi’s, ha, I can remember the dogs names, the humans not so much. Corgis just have an instant way of cheering you up and to see a bunch of them together oh my goodness it hurts to laugh and smile that much. Charles in his old age is kinda grumpy towards other dogs not just other corgis. I have tried to add on another corgi dog a few times and he will have no part of it. He has made it very clear he will be my one and only.

Charles has always had a fan club of people who just love him. When I moved a few years back I met a little girl who absolutely believes Charles is her dog. Charles has a way with kids, he just loves little people. I think it’s because they eat snacks low to the ground and often share! This little girl asks me daily to come see her dog. She’s so good to Charles. He gets extra cookies and pat pats and you can see the love he has for her. He lights right up and runs to her. I always thought if I lost my dog to anyone it would be the actual queen, well move over Queen Elizabeth, Miss Liv is going to give you a run for your money.

Oh Charles, I can never thank you enough for saving my life, for being the very best dog. Thank you for always loving me even when I couldn’t love myself. Thank you for always keeping a close eye on my little human, for howling when he cries. Thank you for always protecting my house even though you can’t see out the window you always know when some ones near. I love that you have become a grumpy old man set in your ways. I would not change you for the world. You forever hold a special place in my heart and on my arm!

Reading my way into a better life….

I have always had a love for reading and a love for learning. Once I learned to read, the whole world opened up for me. I could be found with my nose in a book. I loved reading big chapter books as a kid. Those babysitter club books really sucked me in and don’t get me started on Anne of Green Gables. I was such a huge fan of Anne of Green Gables I convinced my dad to road trip to Cavendish, Prince Edward Island to visit the Green Gables Heritage Place. I live in Ontario.

Reading allowed me to escape from my everyday life, it allowed to me to dream, to become a part of someone else’s story. I love the feeling of how a good book can suck you in and hours can pass by while you keep turning pages, aware of the things you should be doing but you just can’t put that book down.

I did eventually, long after it was the in thing to have, upgrade and get a Kobo eReader. I tried to read eBooks but I hated it. I just love holding onto the book and flipping the pages. I love reading in the bathtub with bubbles up to my neck. It’s just not the same. If you have ever dropped a book into the bathtub water you get me! I have tried to listen to audio books. Oh my goodness, I cannot focus when someone else is reading. I need to have that book in my hand. I need to re-read the pages when I forget what’s going on. I need to have that great bookmark. Currently my book mark is one of my business cards. My business card has the most beautiful picture of Tofino that I captured.

When my Oma was alive she used to find the best books. Oma had a love for reading. Her house had so many bookshelves filled with some of the best books. Her books have always held such great memories. Oma always had just the book you needed to read. She introduced me to Wally Lamb, who to this day is still one of my favourite authors. I loved to read the books she had previously read and discuss what we thought. It was like our own little book club. After Oma passed I didn’t read much, I lost that person to discuss books with. It felt like I couldn’t find a good book to save my life.

After going to school and being sick of reading text books, I was still lost and most of my thoughts haunted me with negativity and baggage from my past. I turned to new section of the book store called Self-Help. Oh dear goodness, how can I help myself? I had spent a lot of years in counselling, been to psychotherapists. I packed my baggage so tight and carried it around for so long it’s no wonder my back hurt. I tried to solve most of my life problems with drugs and alcohol. Although I thought a combination of drugs and alcohol did make me feel better at times in my life, all it did was cloud my vision so I couldn’t clearly see my problems. When you drink, get high, or a combination of both you tend to no give a fuck about your problems. I knew from personal experience addictions and running away from your problems doesn’t work!

When I was stuck in my negative thought patterns and just hating each day more than the last, well I thought it was just me who felt that way. I didn’t talk much about my problems to others; I didn’t think other people felt the way I did. Turns out almost everyone feels this unbelievable darkness of negativity. I was determined that if I could reprogram the way I thought and saw my life and create a positive life that my life would be better than ever. It has not been easy it’s a lot of work. It’s daily work. It takes time and patience which are two things I never thought I would have! I have been on this journey for many years and I am here to empower you to do the same. I read so many different ways to change your life; I have tried so many different ideas, thoughts and ways. I understand what works for one person won’t work for everyone. I am not here to judge you, trust me my darkness is that of a horror movie. I am here to tell you when you see your life in a positive way the possibilities are endless. When I was creating this website I struggled with writing about myself. Instead of staying stuck or giving up I called my life coach friend and asked him for some help. He asked me some powerful questions he said “Who are you creating this website for? Who do you want to attract?” My immediate answer was me ten years ago, the woman who was so sad she couldn’t pick herself up off the floor, who thought about ending her life because she didn’t want to live one more day, the woman who was stuck, who lost her dreams, the woman who almost let negativity win. ALMOST! Then I kicked my life in to positivity over drive and this is the woman I am today. The woman who wants to share with you, to believe in you, to empower you to create your path into a future filled with positive light. I wanna shine that light so bright that it’s blinding. I want you to have a journey filled with positivity, laughter and fun! I want you to feel how I feel today. I have lived the life of negativity it does not lead anywhere good. I have lived the life of light and positivity and it’s amazing. Many of my dreams and visions are happening now, because I have a clear vision. I believe in myself. I am once again enjoying reading and have finished some amazing books. I am always reading self-help or inspirational story as well as a good suspense or fiction novel. If you have a great book to recommend shoot me a message.

I want to thank those of you who stood beside me through my journey. I want to thank those of you who continue to inspire me! I want to say thank you for the amazing outpouring of positive feedback I have received since I started this dream job! I am blown away by how many people have reached out to me. Thank you all so very much!!

Biking my way to positivity!

When I was kid I grew up in a small town, on a little street where all the neighbours looked out for each other. I remember biking up and down the street, for hours on end after a long day at school and pretty much all summer long.

I struggled with removing my training wheels from my bike. I admit I was terrified at the thought of two wheels. Four felt so safe. As a child already, the “what ifs” haunted me. What if I fell of my bike? What if I got hurt? What if my injuries were serious? What if I had to go to see a doctor? It took a lot of convincing from my older brother and my dad but in time I did it. I removed my training wheels, a force to be reckoned with. I was a wild chick on two wheels. My first bike was a beautiful navy blue colour with a white banana seat. Between having an older brother and the boys next door I learned how to take my bike off some pretty sweet jumps, ride with no hands and pop a wheelie. Being a kid this is about as cool as it gets. I felt I was unstoppable.

I used to bike with my friends to the local stores. We were able to ride pretty much all over our little town. We used to head to the local park and watch the waterfalls, then ride the bike trail along the river. I always enjoyed when we found a new path or discovered some place new. Over the years I went through a lot of bikes and bike accessories. I loved the beads you put in your spokes to make the bike sound louder. Some of my friends put cards in their bike wheels because they thought they sounded like motorbikes. I had a basket to carry all my toys. It’s important when you’re a kid to take your favourite doll or “stuffie” along on an adventure. I had a bell and oh boy did I ring it!

Biking was what made me feel free, as a child, and let me discover and go new places. When I became a teenager with a driver’s license and I bought a car, I forgot about my love of biking. I had a new need for speed and a new way to discover and go new places.

My son is six years old and he has already removed his training wheels. He’s much braver than I was. He wipes out a lot (he got my need for speed and my accident prone ways). He has had his fair share of injuries but he always gets right back on that bike. We live close to some cool parks. When he had his training wheels on his bike I was able to keep up to him walking, but not now the boy has a need for speed. He asked me to go biking with him but, I wasn’t sure I would be able to bike. I haven’t been on a bike since I was a kid and with my back injury I was worried about the pain. I started my search for a comfy cruiser bike. Guess what kind of bike I found? Oh yes, a Cadillac cruiser bike. Oh heck yes, it’s got a big Caddy symbol on the front. As soon as my butt hit that comfy seat I lost all fears and I felt that freedom I felt as a child. My heart is so full. Biking with my son and exploring new places together has been amazing.

This summer I decided to buy a hybrid bike with an upgraded more comfortable seat and I checked out some new trails. I wasn’t sure how long I would be able to bike or how much my back would handle. It was pretty rough going at the start. I could only bike small amounts, every part of me hurt. I was thinking I made a huge mistake spending the money on a hobby I couldn’t do without pain. I soon caught myself being negative and turned it around. I didn’t have to go far. I just had to go. I pushed myself and I completed my goal of 60kms this summer. I actually did way more than 60kms. I am proud of myself. I had so much fun.

My east coast cousin was home this summer; she’s all about fitness so we took some awesome tours together. It was a lot of fun biking and catching up. This girl is going to go places watch out world! My granny, oh granny she accompanied me with her customized big horse saddle pad seat cover, luxury comfort. I think she’s onto something with this comfort upgrade. It makes it next level cruising. I have to admit she was just a going! Granny biked much faster and further and I thought she would. This lady is amazing, broken pelvis won’t stop her; she just comes up with creative ways to join in on the fun. She took me to some of the coolest places. Granny lives in wine country, cheers to that. I had made a bucket list of 100 things I wanted to do, when I realized I had never been to a winery, granny said we can bike to some and oh we did. The laughs we shared oh goodness so many laughs and delicious wines.

Biking has allowed me to clear my head, and to explore cool places at a slower pace. I have seen some amazing scenery along the way and taken some amazing pictures. (I took all the pictures on my website) Biking has improved my health, as much as it hurt to start, I am glad I stuck with it.

Thank you to everyone who has joined me on bike tours this season. Cheers to many more bike tours!!

I left my heart on Vancouver Island…

My first trip to Vancouver Island was to meet my Uncle Merv (my dad’s brother) and his wife my Auntie Gay. At the time they lived in a place called Qualicum Beach. I could not believe my eyes because from their house you walked to the end of the street, cross a four lane highway and boom you are at the Pacific Ocean. The freaking Pacific Ocean was practically in their back yard. I could spend my lifetime walking up and down the beach, beach-combing for treasures. Some of my favourite memories are walking the beach with my grandma Davis. We would spend hours finding the neatest treasures; I still have a sand dollar we found together. I was shocked to learn that star fish are purple. I love star fish and purple has always been my favourite colour!
Every visit I made to Vancouver Island growing up left me yearning to move. I wanted to call the Island my home. My heart felt like it belonged on the Island. To feel the salt of the ocean hit my skin makes me feel whole.

I did end up moving to Nanaimo B.C. where my aunt, uncle and cousins lived at the time and I made it work for about a year in 2008. I was supposed to get married here in Ontario and everything came crashing down on me. I knew that marrying this person was not right for me. I was not living the life I dreamed of; I was filled with negativity. I had long lost the person I wanted to be. I was working dead end jobs and had lost the passion in my life. I was barely getting through each day. To me each day felt like the worst day of my life, stuck on a horrible repeat cycle. It was a cycle that I couldn’t seem to stop, or escape from. I was so unhappy and felt so lost. I finally decided enough was enough and I packed up my suitcases. I boarded a flight as far west as I could go; headed for a place that had always held my heart. I called my Island family who I had not seen in many years. When you adult and your parents don’t pay for your vacations well I seemed to take less. I laced up my running shoes and ran from a future I couldn’t dream of living. I am a runaway bride. Maybe I should have a movie made about my life, ha; I wonder who would be cast in my role? (Granny, who helps me edit thinks Allison Janney would play me in the movie).

I remember when the plane took off I broke out crying. Full on ugly crying. Immediately I was hit with worry. What if I messed up my life? What if I couldn’t start over? What if I failed again? What if I didn’t pack enough? What if I couldn’t find a job? What if I couldn’t find a place to live? What if people didn’t like me? What if I lost who I was? I often wonder if these thoughts ran through my Opa’s mind when he boarded his boat headed for Canada? I admit I was scared to make this change in my life, but I was absolutely terrified to stay in Ontario and run my failed marriage tape to the end. Turns out when you run from your problems no matter how beautiful the new surrounding are, no matter how far you run, how fast you run, you will still have those same problems. The ocean did its best to heal my heart but I had not learned how to erase my negative self-talk and it was eating away at me. I struggled with finding a job, a place to live, I was running out of money, my car constantly broke down, I was always sick and truthfully I missed Ontario. It’s the only home I have ever known. I would not change my experience on the west coast for the world. My dream of being a west coast island girl had come to an end much sooner than I had dreamed. It’s true it didn’t work out as I had first planned but, my dream is not gone, it has just changed. My time on the Island taught me so many lessons and brought me closer to my Island family. I wouldn’t say I failed so much as I gained an amazing experience.

As much as I miss the Island I am glad to be back in Ontario. If I stayed in British Columbia I wouldn’t have my son! I will always have a place to call home with family on the island. I do believe everything has a way of working out for the best.

Oh, my Island family they are some of the greatest people you could ever meet. I am so lucky to call them my family. My Uncle Merv is one of the funniest people you will ever meet. He is just a grown up hiding in a kid’s body. His big smile is contagious; you cannot be in a bad mood in this man’s presence. His jokes and great sense of humour will make you laugh until it hurts to laugh. He has a huge heart and I know he loves his family more than anything because I am lucky enough to be a part of his family. He will forever be my favourite uncle. My son and Uncle Merv share the same birthday, granted a few years in between. My auntie Gay is one of the sweetest people. Her kindness radiates from the moment you meet her. I would say she is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. You could watch wheel of fortune with her, the board would have two letters and she would be able to solve the puzzle. I used to think she cheated, but, no I found out she’s just that good! When I watch wheel of fortune it could be down to all the letters filled in but the last two and I would still get it wrong. She is a woman of natural talent. I have one of her beautiful paintings hanging up in my home. Oh and goodness we can’t forget that time I went to aqua fit with her. To say she kicked my ass would be an understatement. She too loves her family more than anything. Auntie Gay showed me how important having great people surrounding you truly is. Both my aunt and uncle welcomed me into their beautiful home. They gave me the biggest hugs and helped me more than they will ever know. They taught me not only how to love myself but how to love and show kindness to others. Thank you Auntie and Uncle! I also have three wonderful Island cousins. Christopher, oh you never know where he will be or what he will be doing but, whatever he is doing he always drops it and come to visit when family is around. I have never had an Island visit where he didn’t show up, enjoy catching up, and end with a hug. I’m coming back for an off road jeep adventure! Jana, oh you just know you will be laughing with this girl. I wanted to be her when I was a kid. I thought she was one cool chick. On one of our trips she was wearing the most beautiful outfit. It was a plaid sun dress and she rocked it. When I came home I had my Oma make me one just like it. Jana you have always been and still are a picture of beauty to me. Last but nearest and dearest to my heart is Shenoah (Noah). We are cousins, but, also I believe we are soul sisters! She’s my favourite road trip buddy! Her son Ryley is everything I hope my son turns out to be. You are amazing! Noah is older than me but the smaller version of me. We are so much alike it makes me smile. This girl is the most beautiful person I know. Noah is the picture of strength and determination. I aspire to be the woman she is.
My Island family changed me for the better.

As I headed back to Ontario I never forgot their kindness towards me, the love they passed along and all the laughs oh goodness I needed those laughs. I met some of the most amazing people on the Island and I would like to say thank you to each and every one of them for all the amazing memories. Here is too many more trips to the Island and to a place that forever holds my heart. I will be back soon!

I didn’t want to ride the bus I wanted to drive the bus…

It’s important to have dreams. Share with me what are some of your career dreams?

My first career dream comes from my first day of school.

My first day of school I remember getting on the bus and thinking “wow this is amazing”. I had a woman bus driver in public school and I was in awe of how she could drive such a huge vehicle. I thought my bus driver was the coolest woman ever! My bus ride to school was short, only a few minutes long. I sat with the window open, wind in my hair, living the dream life. I remember getting off the bus the first day of kindergarten with a dream I didn’t want to ride the bus I wanted to drive the bus. I’m sure when my parents heard this dream they thought I was going places. Oh the places I have gone and the dreams I have had over the years. Before I knew what a career was I wanted to be an Orca whale. How cool would it be to swim around the ocean all day with the coolest nick name being the killer whale. Turns out you can’t change from being human to a whale and so my dreams were shattered.

I confess as of now, I have never driven a bus. I think the Cadillac is about the biggest vehicle I have ever driven. As my son boarded his bus the first day of kindergarten, three years ago now (time slow down he’s growing up too fast) I cried like a crazy lady at the bus stop in front of family, friends and neighbours. When my son got off the bus after the first day of school he did not mention that he wanted to drive the bus. He has dreams of being a Police officer, train conductor, builder, fixer man and a farmer. This boy is going to be busy, hopefully busy enough to stay out of trouble!

My second dream job, around the third grade I wanted to be a veterinarian. I always had a variety of pets and an endless love for animals. I grew up with cats, dogs, pony, hamsters, bunny, chinchillas and even a pet sheep. My granny worked at the veterinary office and I looked up to her. I always struggled with math and after public school I began to dislike school.

Since public school my dreams changed. I dropped out of high school not long after starting and lost my way for a while, probably something to do with my negative outlook and my addictions. I am proud to say I did graduate high school, granted it was a couple years behind schedule but I did it. I even went on to post-secondary a few times, for a few different degrees. My first degree was in Corrections with a dream of working in Parole. I hurt my back at a job in the summer between semesters at college and I am to this day still living with pain. I graduated with great marks but I decided with a bad back maybe a career in Corrections wasn’t for me. I lost my dreams for a while dealing with an injury takes a lot out of you. I never gave up searching for something that would help ease the pain.

I worked a lot of jobs that were just that-jobs, I got stuck in the cycle of living pay cheque to pay cheque and lost sight of my career dreams. I decided while working to take some online courses in addictions and tried my hand at addictions counseling. I never finished the degree and found it hard to work and go to school. I again repeated the cycle of working dead end jobs that I dreamed of quitting. I pictured the way people quit in movies and I wanted to barge into work and tell them how much I hated it. Once again I decided to go back to school. This time I set my mind on online learning but in medical office administration. I had found my strength and determination and I rocked that degree. After graduation before I had even received my degree, I sent off my resume and had many job interviews. I was determined to get into the hospital where my mother and aunt both worked. I got an interview and I said “I am going to get the job”. I am proud to say my determination paid off, I got the job. I have been at the hospital for almost 9 years now. I love my job, I love the places I work, I have amazing co-workers, and I get the opportunity to work in different departments every shift. This job has changed my life. Growing up my mother was a nurse. I always felt like I was destined to help people but I didn’t know how. I knew I didn’t want to be a nurse, I have a weak stomach and working twelve hour shifts terrified me. Sometimes just the stories I heard from my mother made me feel ill.

I started a dream of working from home. I again went back to school, this time I took medical transcription. I finished the degree and started a job from home which I didn’t love, but I was living the dream of working from home. I started working for a hospital out of town this time, it was something new to me, but this job didn’t ignite a passion in me. Back to the drawing board I went. I wish you all could see this drawing board. I have started over countless times but I never stopped dreaming. I have had so many dreams and so many failures. Despite all of my failures and lost dreams I have never stopped moving forward.

I continued to look into counseling, psychology, social work, all different ways to help people. I didn’t want another job working for someone else. I wanted to work for me; I wanted to be my boss. For years I have been dreaming of how to take my experiences in life and empower others to live their greatest lives. I wanted to share with you my strengths, weakness, victories and failures. I have so many stories to share. I have never given up. I always had my Opa saying “Do your best and if you best isn’t good enough fuck it”.

I first came upon the idea of life coaching through a podcast. I often listened to podcasts while brainstorming what to do next in my life. My drawing board was getting messy! One podcast in particular grabbed my attention and I felt like this guy was talking to me about what I wanted to do in my life. I immediately googled his name to see what he’s all about and what do you know he was coming to a city near me to certify life coaches. I didn’t sign up until the last minute, I think I even paid extra because I was at the drawing board and working out the financial part but I jumped in I thought no this is my calling. Nothing is going to stop me. This is what I am destined to do. I love the idea of helping you reach your goals. This is a job I love. Get in touch with me now and let’s make your drawing board dreams into your reality.

Thank you to my coaching clients and thank you to those of you reading my blogs.

Going everywhere and nowhere at 50…

When I was 17 years old my dad purchased a big ol’ black Cadillac. At the time I didn’t know how much this car would change my life. The 1989 Cadillac Brougham was in mint condition with white wall tires, interior of crushed blue velour and wood grain accents, original thank-you for purchasing your Cadillac cassette tape, more Cadillac symbols than you can count and even enough room to comfortably fit all six foot three of me in the trunk. Now that’s cruising in luxury style, or so it was approaching the 1990s. The car was originally powder blue, but was painted when it was used to drive families in funeral processions.

I remember when my dad first brought this car home, I legit thought he was crazy (crazier than his usual baseline crazy).I was thinking why the heck would we need a car to cruise around in when we all had perfectly good reliable vehicles. I remember how intimidating it was when I first got behind the wheel. At the time I owned a beautiful two toned purple glitter Honda Civic hatch back. This compact car was as long as the front hood of the Cadillac. I wasn’t used to driving such a gigantic car. I was worried I would be the one to get into a car accident. I have had my share of accidents over the years.

In my everyday car I struggle to drive the speed limit and I have been pulled over a few times for traveling above the posted speed limit. I admit I crank my tunes and I sing my heart out and oh goodness I drive my car like I stole it. I think I would have made an amazing race car driver! I have a need for speed it and it makes me feel alive. My current car is a standard and I love shifting through the gears. However, something crazy happens to me when I get behind the wheel of the Cadillac and I end up driving everywhere and nowhere at 50 kilometers an hour. Traffic backs up behind me, people pass me staring in like “lady you’re going so damn slow”. Time stands still when I am cruising. There is something about this beautiful car staring out the hood that goes on forever and watching the big “caddy” hood ornament dance on the horizon, it just soothes my soul. This car makes me wanna slow down and enjoy every kilometer of cruising. Don’t get me wrong I still crank the tunes but I am not driving, I am cruising. I can be found behind the wheel of the Cadillac between April and October, with the biggest smile on my face. I am always the driver, never the passenger. My Cadillac song to crank up and sing my heart out to is Steppenwolf’s magic carpet ride. I feel like I am floating right along with the song. Yes it’s on a cassette tape with the big improvement of ‘89 being the sliding treble and bass feature. If you haven’t heard this Steppenwolf song I encourage you to rock out. I can speak from experience it’s not the same in my Volkswagen. It’s a Cadillac song.

This car has an instant way of cheering me up. I swear when my butt hits that crushed velour driver’s seat all my problems just melt away. When I’m upset or feeling down it’s easier into cry in comfort LOL Crushed velour really soaks up the tears. When you gaze out the long endless hood at the Cadillac , when you see the symbol floating in the sunshine and truly enjoy the cruise, you forget whatever is going on in your life, everything in that moment is that of pure joy. I am grateful for how this car has taught me to slow down in life and enjoy the little things you discover along the way. It has taught me to me to not be afraid to try a road less traveled. I have been lost many times in this beautiful car but I think that’s half the fun of discovering somewhere new.

The Cadillac came with a set of original gold keys, granted most of the gold has worn off they are still a thing of beauty. After owning the car for 10 years my dad and I made a bet whoever gets a Cadillac tattoo first can have the original gold keys. Let me tell you I happily have those gold beauties hanging on my key rack. I got the tattoo but first I made my dad in the dead of winter, go out to the garage of course in a snow storm to un-tarp the car and measure the hood ornament, so I could get the exact measurements of the hood ornament on me. Funny story being the tall girl I am when my tattoo artist drew it up with the exact measurements and placed it upon my right side where I had chosen to get tattooed it look straight up misplaced and awkward. This tiny tattoo on my big side would not work so I said “blow it up and make it a side piece” and side piece I have. My whole right side is a Cadillac tattoo. (Don’t tell my Opa he’s not a tattoo fan). With the gold keys in my hand and a tattoo for the win, my dad lost this beautiful car, if you ask anyone who knows us who owns the car? ME.

I have had the pleasure of cruising with so many friends and family over the last 20 years. My Corgi dog, Charleston, also loves a good cruise in his royal ride. My son has been Caddy cruising since he was a baby. I used to think I was the most excited for April when the car comes out but now my son is along for the ride with a huge smile on his face. He recently asked his papa to hold onto the Caddy until he can drive, only another 10 years. I cannot wait to see my sons face light up as he drives the big ol’ black Cadillac.

This car holds so many amazing memories near and dear to my heart. Thank-you to everyone, who has cruised around with me going everywhere and nowhere…Here’s too many more cruises and many more memories in the years to come.

The man behind the motto – Yes, the man behind the motto is my Opa, a wise man who came to Canada by boat from Germany many moons ago. He boarded a boat at the age of 18 for a land he didn’t know and a language he didn’t speak. He didn’t have a ton of money saved or a place to go. He left behind his family to create a life in Canada. He had no idea at the time what he was getting into. He did his best and his best amazes me to this day!

This man has always been a dreamer and a very hard worker. He is now in his 80s and still going strong. He has built houses, barns, apartment buildings, storage spaces, and a real working carousel in his back yard. You name it this man has probably built it or dreamt about it. I am pretty sure when he’s not building, his happy place is in his office dreaming about the next project. He always has a pencil in hand doodling away on blue graph paper and you never know what he will work on or dream up next. His mind is always going and so is that pencil. He goes through a lot of pencils and paper. I think he should get a discount at staples. haha

I talk to him on the phone pretty much every day. He calls it the seniors check-up. We like to catch up and laugh, and it seems to put us both in better moods. This man means more to me than words can ever describe. He has taught me so many lessons over my life time, but most importantly he’s always been that voice during times when I have failed or wanted to quit that has kept me going. He is my only grandparent left and he is amazing! I am so blessed to be able to take my son to a farm I so enjoyed as a child and even though it has changed so much over the years it’s not the working orchard or sheep farm it once was, it still holds so many precious memories. To see the joy in my sons eyes, to watch him build and dream alongside his Great Opa, just fills my heart so full. To watch the two of them load up and ride the tractor around the farm talking about who knows what, reminds me so much of when I was a kid riding right beside Opa too.

Recently my son came to me and said, “mom you know who the best in the family is?” I am not going to lie I was ready to accept my mother of the year crown, when he shattered my dreams and said “ Oh no mom its Opa.” Now he may have won because he always has a Kinder egg for my son but my son also says, “Opa’s the kindest person I know”. Even though I didn’t win the award of best in the family there is no one else I would rather lose to than Opa. I have to agree with my son, Opa is the kindest person I know too. My whole life he has shown kindness to not only us but to so many others. To know my Opa is to know what being loved really is.

I can’t think of the first time my Opa said “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it”. He has said it to me so many times over my lifetime it got me thinking. It kept me going when I didn’t want to. It’s such a catchy saying that maybe his wise words could help other people. He taught me how to do my best and I want to share that with you!

I have to laugh, I have the “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it” saying around my house on vision boards, print outs, wipe boards. It’s a saying I use often and now my son who is six said to me the other day, “mom what’s that saying of Opa’s you always use? I wanna share it at school!” Oh dear lord, my son is going to be kicked out of grade one. Sorry school. Goodness, I hope my Opa is available to home-school my boy. Try to explain it’s a good saying but you can’t use it at school, just before the bus. I guess I have to come up with a kid friendly school appropriate version.

I have so many wonderful memories and pictures from over the years all around my house. I continue to make memories. We are so blessed to call you our family. I just want you to know I am doing my best and I love you so much. Thank-you Opa.

As I end this I find it hard to stop writing about such an amazing man. I legit could write a book on just funny Opa stories. I kinda have to laugh knowing my Opa does not use a computer or know how to connect to the internet. He wouldn’t log on my website and read this or e-mail me and tell me how much he enjoyed it. I have to say thank goodness for Granny!!

Welcome to my blog.

As I sat down to write my first entry I struggled with what to write about first. I have so many good stories I want to share with you. I suppose I should start from the person who changed my life’s journey who awakened my life and set me on the course I am continuing to travel on.

A dear friend of mine told me about Louise Hay. I remember as she was describing this lady to me I was thinking how interesting but that’s not for me. Her name came up to me many times over the years as I was struggling with my life. I kept thinking I cannot ignore how many times I have heard this name it almost became annoying and so I decided to give her work a try. I remember the first time I read her book and I could not wrap my head around her ideas. I thought, wow, I am glad it worked for other people but she’s not for me. I kinda just scratched the surface of her work and gave up. Negativity doesn’t allow you to enjoy or learn much.

I have read so many self help books over the years. I have tried so many different self help methods but it wasn’t until I read “You can heal your life” by Louise Hay that I was blown away with the idea that your thoughts control how we feel. All my thoughts sucked, they were negative and my life, well it reflected that. I don’t think I knew Louse Hay was the author of the book until I was reading it and I remember laughing when I realized it’s her again- it’s that darn Louise Hay- okay I get it I’ll pay attention to your message this time. I finally had a moment and I realized that my thoughts were holding me back in my life and my thoughts were making me sick. I remember the first time I looked in the mirror and said an affirmation I legit thought this lady was crazy but bit by bit I stuck with it and I noticed when I changed my thinking my life changed.

I had the opportunity to attend a Hay House Convention in Toronto and the energy at this event was mind blowing. I actually went two years because I was just so blown away with the energy and information. As I was sitting on the floor on a lunch break after having attended some amazing speakers classes. I was enjoying a snack and had my copy of “You can heal your life” that I took everywhere with me, when out of the blue I see Louise Hay. I have to admit I was star struck, I could not believe my eyes, I feel like I blinked a million times and pinched myself. I went to get up off the floor where I was sitting when a line started to form I realized she was signing autographs. What a dream come true. A chance to meet her, but I thought being the negative girl whose thoughts ate away at her “Oh I’ll never get her autograph the lines to long or she’s only gonna sign so long and they will cut the line probably right when it comes up to me”. When I realized how negative my thinking was I thought to myself, no enjoy this moment, watch the peoples reactions as she signs their books and she takes pictures with them. Everyone she met and came into contact with at the convention lit up with excitement. After watching for a while the line died down, she signed everyone’s books and I was amazed she never cut the line. She took time for everyone and made so many peoples day. Heck, she made mine just witnessing the moment. I was feeling grateful and packing up to go off to the next adventure at the convention when the assistant lady, who was there with Louise Hay, approached me and asked “Do you wanna meet Louise Hay? Have your book signed?” I lost the ability to speak and just quickly nodded. Now for those of you who don’t know me I am a tall girl six foot three and I jumped up right from sitting to boom six foot 3 in half a second and I ran over unable to speak a word. I could not take my eyes off of Louise as she signed my book I felt as though I could pass out and I was so happy I cried. I often laugh at this memory and think if she was to remember me I would be the tall, awkward crying girl who jumped up out of nowhere just when she thought she was done haha. I spent the whole day, month, year, heck I would be lying if I said I still don’t stare at my book signed “Love Louise Hay”. Today the book and the memory sit right here in my home office. I will never forget how she made me feel. She forever changed my life! Thank you Louise Hay!