Writing letters

Growing up one of my favorite memories was writing letters. Writting letters inspired me to keep writing. Writing letters is still something I love to do.

In public school, we wrote to people from the other side of the world. Places I grew up dreaming of visiting. Worlds apart I couldn’t wrap my head around life being any different than Canada. I was shocked that some parts of the world didn’t have snow in winter.

I wrote my best friend who lived a few hours away. We would fold out letters into the most complicated origami we could learn. When I look back on these letters, I laugh not only at the folding but the troubles we wrote about during the simple times of life. If only we knew those weren’t even problems, just wait until you’re an adult. Brace yourself the problems will be coming.

I loved to write to my family who lived out west. I wanted to keep my family close to me so that I would never feel alone. My biggest fear was being alone. Writing letters made me feel like  I was a part of all of my families life.

I would run home after school to check the mailbox. I still can’t think of a greater feeling than seeing your words as they danced across the pages and I soaked every word drawing a picture in my mind of what you were describing. Worlds apart, your writing made it feel like you were beside me. Writing back to you excited me and I couldn’t wait for the next letter.  I burned through the pages, envelopes, and endless amounts of stamps. Stamps with beautiful designs. I look forward to seeing your writing more than you will ever know. I have so many letters I treasure from people who are no longer hear. On days when I miss you the most I am glad I can read the words you left me with. Thank you for always writing. Thank you for making time to make me feel loved.

I haven’t written a letter in years. The most writing I do is a quick message in a card. Nowadays everything is typed and emails come in constantly it takes away that excitement, the wait, the joy of ripping open an envelope. I still love a card with a message but even those are few and far between. It seems the way to wish anyone anything is on social media. I feel like all those sweet instant messages will disappear and we will be left to remember those days.

The days when we wrote letters to practise our cursive writting which they no longer teach in school. My son asked me did I know they used to have an old way to writting where your pen never left the paper. Way to make my writing seem so old like I was chipping the letters into stone. Oh technology how you have taken away our simple writting skills. If we ever want to write secret messages our kids cannot understand we dont need another language we just need cursive writing.

I am encouraging my son to write more letters. I will forever be writting things to him. Slipping little love notes and reminders of how much he is loved into his everday life.

I would love my son to have more pen pals. I have a wonderful friend who sends him post cards from all over the world wherever she travels off too. He is always so thrilled to get mail addressed to him. The biggest smile come across his face as he can now read the words you write. You will never know how much I appreciate that you do this!

My son is an old soul and always bonds so well with elderly people I asked him recently if he would like to write to a retirement home and make someones day and he absolutely loved this idea. Challenge excepted. Secretly I am doing it to improve his writing but as the world goes on line less people take to paper and his writing skills are his lowest grade. As it was once my lowest grade until I took to the love of writting then I came and will always be unstoppable.

We always write out things we are grateful for and I hope we can look back at these for years to come and smile at all the amazing things we have and will have in our lives. Leaving a permanent ink stain on paper to read back over the years. I hope my words bring you love and give you that same feeling I felt. I hope you son collect cards and letters like I did to treasure on your hardest days you will know how loved you are.

 

 

 

Trust the next chapter of your life you know the author.

Recently someone said to me “Trust the next chaper of your life you know the author” this really made me think. As someone who aspires to one day finish this darn book I am working on writing, with the ultimate dream to be someones favourite author. I sometimes forget I am writing my life story. I have been so focused on this time of my life and sharing part of my life and lessons my sweet heart dog taught me. After my last blog a lot of people reached out to me about my son meeting his father and how it got to that point in life. I would say: We are all doing the best we can. Be kind to one another. Leave people better than you found them. Learn to forgive and how to love. Take time, sometimes all you need is time. Start with self forgiveness and self love and then you can move onto forgiving others and loving others. Learning forgivness and love enriched my life. No one taught me the art of self love. I became obessed with it when my life hit hard time. I will forever be working on myself and making time for myself. You have to take care of yourself in order to care for others. 

It took me many years to learn and practise the art of self love. After I became a single mother I made alot of life changes and its has been a wild ride over the last 10 years. I am honest and I admit Inever wanted to be a mom and when I found out my tears were not happy tears they were pure fear. My biggest fear has been my greatest accomplishment. My son D is a sassy little version of me and I am thankful for friends and family who have helped me bring up this little man. I am thankful for those who gave me strength and kind words over the years. I have to admit seeing his father after 10 years was a difficult decision but I want to make anything my son wants possible.  I have no idea how this will turn out but when you think of it we rarely know how anything we do will turn out we just do the best we can. Do your best.

Do I have regrets? Don’t we all? I have learned most of my life lessons the hard way but those lessons when learned the hard have stuck with me. I know I haven’t always made the best or right decisions but I did what I thought was right and I am thankful how life turned out and I wouldn’t change anything or I wouldn’t be where I am today. I know how to take ownership for the wrongs I have done and I willing say sorry when its due. I have had some great conversations over the last few years for reaching out to people I owed a sorry too. I have had alot of chapters in my life some page turning dramas, some boring parts, some what the fuck parts, some filled with laughter, love, change and filled with memories. I hope when I one day leave this world people remember the good in me and my son keeps that spark of life.

This las year has taught me that our time is limited and you can write your life however you want. What will your next chapter hold? Trust your process and decisions you make. Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it do it anyways! Make your book whatever you want it is your story and you are the author.

Spring!

Oh my goodness where has time gone?

Spring arrived with a mix of weather from hot to cold to stormy and nice, just pick a season I don’t know how many layers I need. I have had my windows open and for once heard the songs of beautiful birds and not the constant honking of geese. Cairo the kitty can always be found in the window he quite likes the Canadian air.

April started with a storm that knocked out my power and then with a generator, a gas tank, and cold wind blow hairdo I made an error that almost blew up my house. I am thankful for my guardian angel,  it was his birthday and I know he keeps my house safe. A quick crying phone call to remind me how thankful I am yet again to be alive. Thank you for keeping me safe.

April will forever hold 2 of my favourite birthdays. Opa would have been 89 this year and all of your family ate your favourite cake. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you! I am sure you hear me constantly talking to you.

Landon the boy now the man who made me an Auntie I will forever run and hug you till it hurts. I am so thankful you came on Easter. I loved looking around the table and thinking Opa would love this everyone together.

Spring always puts me in the mood to clean and organize and now that I have my house back we are making it our home. With so much room and decluttering that a move brings I feel  rejuvinated. That same feeling I feel when I walk out after the ran and take a deep breath in Ah thats my favourite spring moment. Inhale, exhale, declutter and tackle the next chapter of life.

I have spent a month off, not working and just enjoying my time. I have had the best April! Welcome spring. I am stress free and ready to tackle all the good vibes coming my way.

The caddy is out of storage and I took a lovely sunny day coffee cruise that just filled my soul! Every year that car purrs along the road adds the biggest smile to my face. No matter the worries the crushed velour seats melts them away. I love the caddy! Every first cruise brings tears to my eyes even twenty four years later I still feel that same emotion of pure love. I look over at my dad who just knows he has to be passenger and the smile on his face these are the moments I will forever treasure.

April brought upon a great lunch with Gran and a delightful cheesecake at a local joint that we both swore we would share our slices and then without even noticing because they were so delicious we devoured them. I had to shake Gran down to make sure she left our new kitty at home she is the reason Cairo came into our lives she is the animal whisperer. Thankfully she is not a cat napper D did tell her that she could no longer be his Gran if she stole the cat. I am grateful this woman is still a huge part of my life. I would be lost without you gran thanks for always being my person!

April brought a sisters visit that made me laugh until it hurt and filled my heart with so much love. Any time spent with those girls I cherish and I am so thankful over the years we have stayed in touch. Our parents may have went seperate ways but you will forever be my sisters.

April brought a message from my BC brother right after I said I needed to get in touch he messaged me first and this NEVER happens. It was so nice to catch up and I can hear the mountains calling my name. I can’t wait to dip my toes in the Pacific and see the mountains.

April brough upon a meeting I never thought would happen. My son met his father for the first time in 10 years. As I sat across the table watching these two meet I couldn’t help but chuckle about how much they are alike. I am still in a bit of shock that this meeting actually happened it has been a long time in the making and it will be interesting to see where this journey takes them.

April brought tons of time with friends. Road trips for snacks, shopping and endless hugs, love and future plans. I love my friends!

April brought upon some pretty wild hockey games and some second round drama I didn’t think would happen. Even though neither of my hockey teams made the playoffs I am still enjoying some heavy hitting games. Love me a good hockey game.

April brought upon so much relaxation, decluttering and work around the house. Thankful I didn’t blow the house up.  Buy a house they said it will be fun. It has been an adventure for sure. Thankful for the help I have. Thankful for all the amazing people who surround me.

Cheers to sunny days and all the adventures to come! Thankful for spring and all the things this year has taught me already.

 

Cairo

The smile on this boys face makes your journey worth it. Meet Cairo our new kitty all the way from Cairo Egypt. Yes, he meows with an accent.

Seven years ago when we moved to this house my son asked for a kitten and being the animal lover that I am I could not resist. I grew up lucky enough to be surrounded by pets and I wanted the same thing for my son.

A family friend of our just so happened to have a tiny black kitten in need of rescuing. We welcomed Noah into our home and him and D quickly became best friends. D had a little meow call that Noah would come running. Noah loved all people but his love for D was unreal they were always together. From the first trip to the vet we were told that this little kitten he had fallen in love with had many health complications and most likely wouldn’t live long. I was preparing my son to give this kitty the best home he could for however long he could.

Fast forward seven years they shared a million adorable moments. D would never be ready to say goodbye to his beloved best friend. He did his meow call and Noah didn’t come running. For weeks he had laid beside him trying to nurse him back to health but we both knew the end was coming. He had been acting strange and all the signs were there that a goodybe would be soon. D took the time to write Noah a 2 page goodbye letter that brought me ugly tears and I read it to Noah in his final moments. There was absolutely no doubt that kitty lived the posh life. I could only hope to come back in another life as one of D’s spoiled kitties. This boys ability to love animals and to connect with all kinds is wild. He is an animal whisperer.

Our family friend who seven years ago had gotten us sweet Noah was now working with a rescue in Egypt and looking for a home for this sweet Siamese kitty. I feel in love with his cute little face and cried when I heard how he had spent the first few months of his life. We watched a video of an Egyptian market where Ash from this rescue purchased this kitty from an aquarium living with snakes biting him He was in rough shape. He had been shown nothing but cruel behaviour until Ash rescued him. Ash might be one of the sweetest humans I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with. She agreed to let us adopt this sweet boy and the wheels were set in motion. If anyone is searching for a kitty this wonderful lady has about 140 kitties of all kinds and is looking for homes and donations to keep her amazing rescue going. Please feel free to reach out and I can get you in touch. She sends kitty once a month on flights to Canada and the USA. I never knew how horrible the conditions could be until I watched some of her videos. As someone who loves animals I was brought to tears and determined to donate to this cause. I couldn’t wait to take a kitty from her sweet rescue. Ash will forever be my cat sister!

Cairo arrived at the Toronto airport and was one of many cats on the flight off to better opportunities. His carrier was personalized with the sweetest message from Ash. She sent him over with so much love. He had a little passport and the cutest blue eyes. He looked scared and was wondering what the heck is going on? D sat in the car hugging his carrier and talking to him the whole way home. Cairo was quiet the whole way home. For the last couple days they have been snuggled up and becoming fast friends. Welcome to your new life filled with love.

 

As I sit trying to write this blog Cairo is sitting with me watching out the window at the wildlife spring has to offer here in Canada. I had to google if Egypt has squirrels as he seems quite taken by those. He has adjusted well to our sweet little home and is thankful to have a best friend D. I guarantee he will have  posh spoiled life being D’s best friend. Cairo still isn’t sure what a corgi is or why we have one but we hope they will come to like each other. For now he just spits at Kelso and runs away all puffed up she seems rather confused as to what we let loose in the house. Never a dull moment with our pets.

Thank you Janelle for pulling this all together and being the Canadian cat whisperer. Thank you Granny for being at the right place at the right time and helping us pull all this together. Thank you Ash for all your hard work and the difference you make to so many animals lives. I love seeing all the updates from around the world. We are so thankful to once again have a rescue kitty to love!

You betcha

You betcha is a saying I never heard until my teenage years. You betcha is something my brother Dan says constantly. It starts a sentance and it ends it too.  If anyone says you betcha I can immediately hear his voice and how he says it. The tone  and the way he says you betcha is forever burned into my memory.

When I was 17 years old my whole life was turned upside down but in the best way possible. I was 17 years old when I found out I had a brother from another mother. I named my only son after him because he was everything I needed to complete my life. I am so thankful that he wanted to meet me. I had no idea how much this meeting would forever change my life. He made me an Auntie many times over. My nephews and my niece complete my heart. I am so lucky!

Meeting my brother was one of the greatest moments that has ever happened in my life. We are so much alike. Being so alike and maintaining a relationship from a distance so many provinces between us I will admit it has been a struggle at times. Lately I keep hearing people say you betcha and I know it’s a sign I need to get my ass together and head to the  west, my heart longs to be lost in the mountains. As my family gets smaller and people leave my heart I want to keep those still here closer. Family means the world to me and I’m forever working to keep everyone close. I know as I sit in my sunny lake window writing this that I am where I need to be. I am blessed and I love my life.

Recently I sat in this same sunny window staring at message wondering what to do with it. I wonder would my brother say you betcha you did the right thing or tell me I am a dumbass. I did what I thought was the right thing. Life doesn’t come with instructions and lately I am winging it. I have always followed my heart. It hasn’t always lead me in the right direction I should probably follow my gut.

I changed my sons name and I built a foundation for our lives. I have lived my whole life to do everything for my boy. I know I haven’t always made the best decisions and I know I have broken your heart sweet boy. I am just trying to do what I feel is best for both of us. I sent a message that could completely change our lives or they could stay just how they are. I am not sure where this journey will take us but I hope it is for the best. I am going forward with an open mind and open heart ready for the next journey of life. I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough fuck it!

 

 

 

 

So long

Hello March!

It has been hard for me to sit down and write as of lately. I let stress and overthinking get the best of me. My writing pathway has been blocked.

March has always been my favorite month as we transition from winter into spring. I enjoy going outside when the air no longer hurts my face. March is filled with mud and low-riding dog struggles. Get a corgi they will forever be covered in mud until the dry summer months. Poor Kelso with her endless baths she hates!

March is my birthday month with 2 of my best friends. I am so thankful to be surrounded by such amazing people. I owe so many thanks to so many people this month who have helped me through challenging times.

I am days away from saying goodbye to 40 and hello to 41. I had early celebrations with a friend who made me the most amazing cake. I think baileys cheesecake might be my new favorite cake with a glass of mint baileys yes, please!

The way 40 ended was not what I had planned. I have been stressed out and overthinking my decisions. I gave my heart to someone who handed it back when I was not prepared. I know I am going to be fine. I am strong. I have the tools to take my life back. I  had envisioned so much more time and a forever partnership. I part with nothing but light and love for you going forward. As my fingers dance across the keys trying to be brave tears fall down my face thinking oh how much this has taught me, how much I have grown, and how much I know what I want moving forward. I am not one to jump all in and this is a different type of hurt. It has made me reflect on previous relationships and my runaway bride days and how much hurt I have caused to those who were not prepared when I threw their hearts back. I wish relationships had exit interviews where you could get all your answers answered. Healing is a journey but it gets so much better! Lots to learn from loss. Take the positive moments forward and learn from the challenging times.

41 is just a number and I know that around the next coner is going to be something great for me. I am positive and open to the next great opportunity. I look forward to adventures and where this journey takes me next.

Happy March!

 

 

 

365 days and 2 feathers

 

February 11th at 03:00 am I woke in a state of panic. Unable to catch my breath.  I realized that this date marked one year since my grandfather passed. One year ago on this date, my whole world went silent.   My Opa was a man who was my biggest fan and my very best friend.  I knew every day just how much I was loved. Since my Opas passing my mind constantly races and my world seems quiet. You are missed so much. This year has been a hard year for me. This year has reminded me I need to live my life. Make my life as comfortable as possible as he would always tell me.

This February 11th there was a psychic fair close to where Gran lives, so we decided what a great way to move forward into the next year and see if we couldn’t both get messages.

When I awoke at 03:00 AM I had a vision of the lady who I would go to for my reading. I envisioned that she was in a corner booth and she had short light colored hair. Oddly enough there was just the person to fit this description but Gran was interested in her as well. Gran knew a bit about her but I knew nothing I just knew she was a medium and I believed she held the message I needed to move forward to make this my year. To stop being sad. I felt drawn to her.

We did a lap of the room and Gran decided on a different person to do her reading.  I happily ran back across the room and took the last available spot on the list of the short-haired woman in the corner booth. I had to wait about an hour to meet with this lady and I was starting to become overwhelmed with feelings of nervousness. I almost went to a medium last year on my grandpa’s birthday but I felt I wasn’t ready. I was worried Opa wouldn’t come across. I was scared to be disappointed. Gran and I laughed before our appointments thinking how crazy Opa would have thought spending our money to talk to those who have passed would be.

I watched as Gran’s reading started it looked like it was going well, I saw her fae light up with a smile but then the tears hit and I knew she was getting the message she needed. Just before my appointment, I moved across the room to sit close and watch my medium lady finish up her reading with the lady before me. Gran touched me on the shoulder and said she just finished and of course, he came through. I was so happy to hear he was near but nervous as it was my time. Would this lady do my reading justice? I was about to find out.

I sat down at this little table nicely decorated with a purple glitter tablecloth. I smiled as purple is my favourite colour and I love me some sparkle. The lady asked me why I was there and I simply said to hear what she had to tell me. I wasn’t trying to be difficult I just wasn’t sure what would come up. I think my nerves had taken over.

I had a special rock in my purse from an aunt who had passed. She let me know she knew about the rock but I would only be connecting with one person. My Opa showed up and took over the reading. She did touch on my relationship and jobs which I found interesting and pretty accurate. The amount of detail she used to describe my grandfather blew me away.  She knew this date was special to me and she told me what signs to look for and that he will forever be around and even though he is gone he is never far.

She was kind enough at the end of the reading to write out a list of things to work on and so this year I do want to make some changes and live a simpler kinder life. I celebrated my Opas passing this year  with happiness of knowing he is near and although he might not show up with flowers and an infectious smile that I miss. I am glad he will always be beside me to help guide me through this life.

 

 

Take me to the wall!

Take me to the wall!

Hello February, I am hoping that the groundhog who predicted early spring is correct. I am ready!

I started my spring cleaning early. If you ever come to my house and it’s spotless I was stress cleaning. This kind of cleaning takes it to a whole new level. When my baseboards have been cleaned you know there is trouble. This is exactly what happened to me recently. I did something I have not done in 2023. I braved the dreaded weight scale.  I sat shocked at the number that came up. Is this thing set right? This is the most I have ever weighed in my life and while my BMI is still normal I am not feeling it. I have had difficulty remaining motivated to work out in these long cold months. I feel more like a bear. You can find me hibernating, call me spring hits.

When I saw that number come up on the scale I knew I had to change a few things again in my life and get back on track. I am not beating myself up that that number even though it almost gave me a heart attack. I am not allowing that number to control me but rather reminding myself that I stress ate a lot last year! It was one heck of year. I changed everything about my life and I lost my best friend. I am going to now turn the stress I feel into power to shred these pounds.

My weakness in life will always be sweets. I would die before I gave up eating cake. I am hoping to learn better portions and not fit the whole cake in my mouth. Minus my birthday that will forever be a day filled with bad choices and enough cake to kill me. It’s my day! I will live my best day or month!

At last, I found myself searching for a new workout routine. Trying to find something to spark my interest and get me motivated. I am always trying to outrun myself. I feel accomplished when I set new goals. I am happy to report after recovering from an injury I am back on the bike. Nothing kills my restless legs as biking until I cannot get off the Pelton. Pelton leader board keeps me going. I got close to the top and rode into the top 3 but I need a number 1 ride. I am coming for you.

I will forever include yoga and meditation in my life I need those to remain clam, collected and calm. I however was searching for something full body strength as I do need to work on my over all strength. That is when I found an interesting video on wall pilaties. It was going so good I was feeling the body burn with the video I was following. Then this lady took wall climbers up on the wall in 2 different ways. I had myself questioning my sanity. I do not enjoy mountain climbers on the ground level. What have I gotten myself into? I cannot raise my arms over my head and legit every piece of me hurts. I think my found my ass kicking get in shape work out. I am almost a week into it and starting to see results already. Fit in Feburary game on! 28 days of work out and 28 days in Feburary how fitting.

This is just the motivation I need as I get ready to tackle this month on. I am transitioning to an new job and popping in for a few shifts at an old job. I am planning some trips and looking forward to reconnecting and traveling to a provience I had not visited to spent time with someone who was a huge part of my life. Over the years we lost contact but because of social media we found each other and in March the fun begins. Birthday month I am going all out.

I am buying concert tickets and going outside my comfort zone with new styles of music. I am embracing saying yes to any adventure I am offered. I vowed to make 2023 the best year yet. A wise old senior once told me to make this life as comfortable as possible. In the almost 40 years we shared we saw alot of beautiful sights. I am vowing to be a healier, kinder more adventurous version of myself. I vow to always try the cake and work hard to keep myself strong and ready to take on whatever comes next.

 

Good Riddance

“Good riddance to the past and all my bad decisions”.

This song lyric hit me hard recently. I am not even sure how I came to listen to this song as it is not my type of music, but that lyric stopped me and made me think. I heard it on a grueling day when I had to decide I hope I made the right decision. One decision can change your whole life. Is it for the best? Did I do the right thing?

One decision I made still haunts me and causes me to lose sleep. I hope I made the best decision as it not only affects me. No way to know if I made the right decision only time will tell.

Have you ever heard a song you needed at that moment, and you come to play it over and over? Today I needed to hear this lyric over and over and I sat staring at a message that ate at me. Why is this happening to me today?

The pissed-off version of me wanted to shoot back my real anger at this situation. I learned a long time ago I need to walk away and take time. I never want to say something I do not mean out of anger. I never want someone to overthink my angry words. You can’t take back what you sat in anger. I do not want to be an angry person.  I try to remain positive in every situation.

I learned I have a temper and I need to step away and calm down. The angry version of me is unkind. The calm version of me is kind. I will no longer allow others to make me feel this level of upset or anger. It is my choice who I allow in my life. I wake up every day with a full heart and nothing but gratitude for the amazing people surrounding me.

I am not a fan of social media and never have been I wouldn’t have social media if I didn’t have a special BC cousin who convinced me we should stay connected. I would do anything for my family, and as my family  circle gets smaller, I will do everything I can to stay in touch. Family means everything to me.  I am thankful for social media in many ways as it keeps me connected to family and friends from afar to whom I wish I could be closer. I have reconnected with people I am so glad to hear from, sought out some of my favourite people, and had amazing conversations that we wouldn’t have gotten to have without social media, making it so easy and always at our fingertips.

Scary to think anyone is one just one click away. You have the ability to search for anyone or anything. I have a love dislike relationship with this. I struggle with social media and the amount of time I can waste looking at cute dog videos on Instagram. I have always tried my best to keep my son’s presence offline. I try to share all the important updates with family, but I have sheltered my information about my boy as best as I can. No judgement to those who post kiddos I love following all the moments I am cheering you on from the sidelines. I am always down for baby snuggles!

Recently I realized more than ever how precious our limited time is and I make the choice of who is allowed in my life. I will not allow myself to be upset by a message from someone who upsets me and brings nothing into my life. I get to make the decision. Silence is a decision. I do not have time or energy to waste on anything or anyone who doesn’t bring me positivity, light and love.

2023 Good riddance to my past and all my bad decisions. Nothing but good vibes moving forward. I am open to new adventures and opportunities coming my way!

 

Save the drama for your momma!

An interesting fact and guilty pleasure of mine is that I love drama. Not my own drama. Other people’s drama. But don’t get me wrong I have had more than my share of my own personal drama.

In my younger years, I used to have a t-shirt that I loved that said: “Save the drama for your momma” I wore it until you could no longer read the words. I loved that t-shirt. It was white with red letters. Then it sadly became just dull white and faded.

To be honest with you all, I have had enough drama in my personal life to last me for a lifetime. Now I do everything to avoid having drama in my life. I’m the first to admit I created a trail of drama everywhere I went for years. I coated people’s lives with drama. I was like the glitter you couldn’t get rid of.

The worst version of myself was during the drama years. I wish I would have saved my drama for my momma as my t-shirt said. I am certain I gave my momma enough stress. Her early grey hairs had my name on them. I pray my son is a better teenager-young adult than I was.

I am most thankful I learned how to change my life, my thoughts, and my actions. To know when to leave the drama behind, how to walk away, and just make each simple day filled with love. To be a kinder more selfless version of myself, to draw out my kinder qualities. To help and accept help.

One of my biggest guilty pleasures today is that I love drama-filled reality TV. I am one of the biggest fans of “90-day fiancé” I enjoy how people fall madly in love and move across the world to be with each other. I love love. The fairy tale love that everyone dreams about, the kind we read about in our romance novels, until it all comes crashing down. I love to watch but my heart aches for the people who get hurt as the world watches. I am not sure how some people come back from that public heartbreak. I am glad that my biggest heart break was behind closed doors alone. I am thankful when I picked myself back up it was just my dog and a few close friends that were witness. I am not sure what I would have done if millions of people could have reached out and told me about their opinion on social media.  For the record I do not comment on any TV social media I keep my thoughts to myself, but I wish nothing but the best.

When I reflect on all the drama, I have had in my life what a horrible made for TV drama that could have been, then add in editing to include only the dramatic parts, the tell all’s, the sad moments, the things I would have said I didn’t mean I was just upset. TV really paints the worst versions of these people and yet I find myself unable to turn away. Sunday and Monday nights at 8PM are my reserved for TV times my guilty pleasure. Everyone knows and just lets me watch. I cry at all the wedding and the proposals. I am always so hopeful for anyone’s romance story! I have a tough time watching a season without googling to find out if the couples are still together.

I know I shouldn’t support this drama reality TV, but it is my guilty pleasure. It does remind me how fragile love is and how much work it takes to keep successful relationships. It reminds me to be thankful for the people in my life and to let them know every day how much I love and appreciate them.

I no longer engage in personal drama. I realized long ago that silence beats drama any day. If I have become silent it is because I do not have time for drama and I checked neither does my momma. Here’s to 2023 being quieter and filled with love.

Every day I work to make myself the best version of myself. Accept kindness and love. Sprinkle that shit on others like it is glitter they can never get off!

Sparkle on!